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Since You Asked: Empty Nesters

How can you reignite the spark in your relationship after the kids move out? Since you asked, Susan, Rob, and David share their ideas.

Did your kids fly the coop, leaving you and your partner with too much ~ free time ~ on your hands? Rob and Susan deliver the hot takes on reigniting the spark in your relationship after the little ones grow up. And don’t worry, the handcuffs and blindfolds are optional… Featuring: Susan Guidi, Rob Angel, David Stewart.

David
Welcome to the Since You Asked show. My name is David Stewart. I am the founder of AGEIST magazine.

Susan
Hi, my name is Susan Guidi. I’m a 66-year-old competitive bodybuilder and standup comic.

Rob
Hi, my name is Rob Angel. I’m the creator of Pictionary, traveler and explorer.

David
And Since You Asked, we’re going to answer your questions. Welcome, guys. It’s great to have you back. How’s everybody doing today? Susan, how are you feeling today?

Susan
I am so great. I’ve got my mug of coffee because caffeine is absolutely necessary at this time in the morning. I’m fabulous.

David
Rob, you into the edibles today or are you drinking coffee with your friend?

Rob
Oh, I have a coffee cup and it’s up to you to figure out what’s in here, David. Oh, boy.

David
God only knows… mushrooms? It could be anything.

Rob
Could be. Yeah.

Susan
I almost spit up my coffee!

David
Okay, we’re going to move to our question of the day which is from Kathy, and Kathy says, “My husband and I are both in our fifties and recent empty nesters feeling disconnected. How can we reconnect with each other now that it’s just us? It feels like the past 20 years have only been about the kids.” What do you guys think about this? You both have kids.

Rob
Lucky you, right? You’ve got a whole new way to go right now. I know it’s been hard; it’s hard when this happens. You’ve got a long time to enjoy yourself. A long time to reconnect and a long time to go have fun.

So, take it slow and take the path of least resistance. Right? You don’t want to just jump into something and say, “We’ve got to fix this. We’ve got to figure out how to reconnect.” Take a little time. And don’t get too fussed if it doesn’t happen right away. But it will.

Susan
I love this. I mean, 50 — you’re just babies. I mean, 50 is just — oh, my God, you’re so lucky that your kids are grown at 50 because some people are having babies for the first time at 50. So at 50, Jesus Christ, you could do just about anything. And I think if I were married and if I were 50 and still in a great relationship, I would really start delving into things that I could never do when the kids were around.

Because, I think for women, what happens is we control 85% of everything that’s going on in the household. So, for the first time when our kids leave, it’s like, who am I? And for me, the first thing I think about is changing this mindset about who I am as a sexual being. It’s starting to go into lingerie stores and just surprising the hell out of him; like saying, “Let’s meet up at a bar in Cascais, Portugal.” And underneath, I’m not wearing anything.

I think it’s time to have so much fun because you guys are practically babies. And even though a woman starting to go into menopause, most of your sex organ is in your brain. And now you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant. So, it’s party time.

Rob
Susan, I love how you’ve dumbed it down to sex. I mean, you just went straight for the sex, and I’m okay with that. I’ll riff a little bit on what Susan said. Like date night: you get dressed, you get in your car, you go to dinner. Try to mix it up. Have your husband get dressed in a different room. You get dressed so he doesn’t see you get dressed.

Maybe even have him go to the restaurant first and you take different cars there. It’s the same thing, but just done a different way and a different energy. You know, if you’ve been together for all these years, a little minute or two apart — is it going to hurt you? And it might just spark a little sex. And I’ll go with Susan on this might just spur something different.

Susan
I used to work for a very famous reproductive endocrinologist, and we did mostly menopausal medicine. And one of the things she used to say for women was that — because women would start to complain at a certain age about their libido and this and that — she would say, take a new lover, and all of a sudden your libido changes like that.

And in a way, I think that’s really, really important. Yes, there are other hobbies and things that you guys can choose to do together, but pretend that you’re taking him as a new lover for the first time. That intimacy, we don’t talk about it enough in marriages. And I think that can set a flame that can set the stage for the remainder of your relationship.

Rob
Can you wear an eye mask when you’re doing this to really get that new lover idea going? Because I’m looking down, seeing that same face and you’re right, that’s a different mindset. So I love the visual.

Susan
Just pretend.

David
Where are we going with this, Rob?

Rob
For the record, I am not opposed to what Susan said at all. I think it’s fantastic. Just change it up. But if it starts with sex — and I do agree 100%, it’s not about sex. It’s about mindset. I completely, completely agree with that. When we start telling ourselves anything, that’s how we’re going to act. So just kind of tell yourself and hopefully your mindset will change and the sex will be better than it is. This beautiful loop of exploration. 

Susan
It’s the one thing we don’t talk about until we get to a certain age, and then it’s almost too late. We don’t talk with young people about it, and then they bring home a 30-year-old lover, you know, that wants to sleep with them.

Rob
Right. Have you ever talked about it with your husband? Have you ever kind of told your husband, or vice versa, a fantasy or even something small? You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. You don’t have to, you know, get a trapeze and whatever else. No, you’re okay. Let’s not kibosh the trapeze. What else?

Susan
Handcuffs?

Rob
Oh, absolutely. I’ve heard. I’ve heard from other people. They’re really important. 

Susan
Biggest sex organ right here.

Rob
I’m sorry. Where are you pointing?

Susan
In between my ears.

Rob
Oh, there you go. All right. All right. 

David
Thanks, guys. We’ll see you next week. Okay. Take care.

See medical disclaimer below. ↓

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The ideas expressed here are solely the opinions of the author and are not researched or verified by AGEIST LLC, or anyone associated with AGEIST LLC. This material should not be construed as medical advice or recommendation, it is for informational use only. We encourage all readers to discuss with your qualified practitioners the relevance of the application of any of these ideas to your life. The recommendations contained herein are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. You should always consult your physician or other qualified health provider before starting any new treatment or stopping any treatment that has been prescribed for you by your physician or other qualified health provider. Please call your doctor or 911 immediately if you think you may have a medical or psychiatric emergency.

 

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