Beware of the Big Dating Mistake
I have committed the ultimate dating site faux pas. I sent a message to the wrong recipient. Knowing full well there is no redemption, I nevertheless turn to you, the dating Guru, for help. Here are some of my ideas. A) change my name and move to a war zone. B) pay a psychiatrist to write a letter saying I have a split personality and I was unaware of which of us sent the letter. C) go to Rome and beg for Papal dispensation. D) make a feeble apology and prepare for a rebuke.
Do you like any of these ideas? How can I resolve this and save face?
Michael the Mistake Guy
I laughed out loud reading the creative and dark solutions to your errant letter. I like your ideas but would add the Witness Protection Program. The big question, however, is what the hell did you write? Did you propose marriage to a woman you have no interest in seeing again and now fear a “YES”, a guest list, and destination wedding plans? Proposals are had to take back and look good.
Or did you lash out for all the lies on her dating profile including fifteen-year-old pixs, not being fit but fat, wearing three-inch heels to break 5’ and not liberal? I’m guessing this note went to the one who is sexy, smart, and a size 2? What else could put you in such a frenzy? Fyi, I believe the Pope books a year out.
I don’t think there is dating site jail or most wanted list. You need to ‘fess up, buddy to both women. Cover all your bases however, including air fare to Syria, and definitely tell your other personality to stay off dating sites.
On the dating site I use, it asks people to say whether they are slim, fit, or about average. The majority of women I’ve met have put down average and when they showed up they were overweight at best. According to the most recent studies, 66 percent of Americans are overweight or obese. The average for American women is 170 lbs, but according to ideal weight charts, if you weigh 170 you should be 5’ 11”.
Average is heavy and I prefer slim women. Am I being unrealistic to expect women to be honest about their weight?
Dear Doubting Don:
In a word, “yes.” Everybody lies. We each pick our spot: height, weight, age or decades-old pictures — the truth is fluid, baby. Apparently you aren’t meeting enough women who are 5’11”. I personally do not know one woman who isn’t on a diet or talking about the five pounds she gained overnight. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall it was only one piece of cake after all”. I’ve been dieting since birth. It’s a job description for women in this culture or get fat shamed.
Conversely, I have not heard one man complain he looks fat. Trust me, men must be swallowing beach balls for the stomachs that protrude and hang over their waist, ”Hey size XXL, step away from the French fries.”
It would be fun to research how tall the average male should be in order to sync with their weight. I speculate able to dunk over LeBron. I have been on dates with men who put “average” as their body size and kissed that weight behind senior year in college.
Doubting Don, the only way to avoid further disappointment is to leave cyber space and go outside to find what you’re looking for in the three-dimensional world.
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