Dear Gail: Dating Sites — Everybody Lies

Comedian Gail Forrest tackles more online-dating woes from confused communication to the search for honesty.

Beware of the Big Dating Mistake

Dear Gail:
I have committed the ultimate dating site faux pas. I sent a message to the wrong recipient. Knowing full well there is no redemption, I nevertheless turn to you, the dating Guru, for help. Here are some of my ideas. A) change my name and move to a war zone.  B) pay a psychiatrist to write a letter saying I have a split personality and I was unaware of which of us sent the letter. C) go to Rome and beg for Papal dispensation. D) make a feeble apology and prepare for a rebuke.

Do you like any of these ideas? How can I resolve this and save face?
Michael the Mistake Guy

Dear Michael:
I laughed out loud reading the creative and dark solutions to your errant letter.  I like your ideas but would add the Witness Protection Program. The big question, however, is what the hell did you write? Did you propose marriage to a woman you have no interest in seeing again and now fear a “YES”, a guest list, and destination wedding plans? Proposals are had to take back and look good.  

Or did you lash out for all the lies on her dating profile including fifteen-year-old pixs, not being fit but fat, wearing three-inch heels to break 5’ and not liberal? I’m guessing this note went to the one who is sexy, smart, and a size 2? What else could put you in such a frenzy? Fyi, I believe the Pope books a year out. 

I don’t think there is dating site jail or most wanted list. You need to ‘fess up, buddy to both women. Cover all your bases however, including air fare to Syria, and definitely tell your other personality to stay off dating sites.

Everybody Lies 

Dear Gail,
On the dating site I use, it asks people to say whether they are slim, fit, or about average.  The majority of women I’ve met have put down average and when they showed up they were overweight at best. According to the most recent studies, 66 percent of Americans are overweight or obese. The average for American women is 170 lbs, but according to ideal weight charts, if you weigh 170 you should be 5’ 11”.

Average is heavy and I prefer slim women. Am I being unrealistic to expect women to be honest about their weight?
Doubting Don

Dear Doubting Don:
In a word, “yes.” Everybody lies. We each pick our spot: height, weight, age or decades-old pictures — the truth is fluid, baby.  Apparently you aren’t meeting enough women who are 5’11”.  I personally do not know one woman who isn’t on a diet or talking about the five pounds she gained overnight. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall it was only one piece of cake after all”. I’ve been dieting since birth. It’s a job description for women in this culture or get fat shamed.

Conversely, I have not heard one man complain he looks fat. Trust me, men must be swallowing beach balls for the stomachs that protrude and hang over their waist, ”Hey size XXL, step away from the French fries.”

It would be fun to research how tall the average male should be in order to sync with their weight. I speculate able to dunk over LeBron. I have been on dates with men who put “average” as their body size and kissed that weight behind senior year in college. 

Doubting Don, the only way to avoid further disappointment is to leave cyber space and go outside to find what you’re looking for in the three-dimensional world.

Need advice? Gail wants to hear from you. Send your letters, questions, and quandaries to: newsletter@weareageist.com

See medical disclaimer below. ↓


  1. I disagree.

    Everybody does not lie on dating sites.

    A lot of people do. But I didn’t, and I held my ground until I found people who didn’t lie so egregiously that they were already telling you in their profile or on their first date that they lied, thinking this made it okay. Not okay.

    I did not lie about weight or age, and did expect anyone I went out with to have the same ethics, with no nonsense about how search engines leave them out, etc.

    One harder question is – how well do I know and represent myself? There are many ways one could unintentionally hedge the truth. This we can’t solve until we delve into our own shadow.

  2. I might add that I’ve been with a non-liar now for three years. He’s pretty cool and he’s completely trustworthy.

  3. Cindy you are one lucky woman. I have been out with liars, not in a dangerous way but they certainly misrepresented themselves in their profiles. It is easy to fudge the truth in an essay about. I have read glorious profiles but the men left out one small detail – they can’t commit! I am glad you have had a good experience on these. Many men have told me about women you have egregioulsy lied. I still maintain it’s a crap shoot or a roll of dice. Thank you for your response.

  4. A 60 yr old bestie told me she approached on line dating similar to work. She reviewed the resume, met once, and was candid about a connection or lack thereof, and polite. And she kept at it! She is in a wonderful relationship after 2 + years of interviewing. People may exaggerate on their resumes similarly to their profiles. Okay. Just move on. There are some too that may be hidden gems that deserve the next round!
    I don’t know if I am as brave and resilient as she is, btw. I just appreciate the straight forward approach and her commitment!

    • I like her approach also. I just had the experience of my profile on Match being hacked! It is crazy and I then had a match representative (so called) try to scam me. I ended up freezing my credit, cancelling my credit card and not trusting the site. Like a job, I am quiting this one. Thanks for your response and great news about your friend! She did it.


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The ideas expressed here are solely the opinions of the author and are not researched or verified by AGEIST LLC, or anyone associated with AGEIST LLC. This material should not be construed as medical advice or recommendation, it is for informational use only. We encourage all readers to discuss with your qualified practitioners the relevance of the application of any of these ideas to your life. The recommendations contained herein are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. You should always consult your physician or other qualified health provider before starting any new treatment or stopping any treatment that has been prescribed for you by your physician or other qualified health provider. Please call your doctor or 911 immediately if you think you may have a medical or psychiatric emergency.

Gail Forresthttp://www.gailforrest.com
Gail Forrest is a comedy writer and stand up comic. She studied at Second City in Chicago and has performed at Pretty Funny Women and Flappers in LA, as well as Second City to name a few. She has a published book Gonepausal on Amazon about women in midlife and is working on a new book which includes men and promises to be just as funny with even more insights on aging.


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