Tired of Dating Sites? Hunt Down an ‘Ex’
Dear Gail:
I am in my late sixties, heading full speed toward seventy. Being single and having tried numerous dating sites over the past few years I am still shit out of luck. It was like fishing in a pond with 2 fish. Is it time to reconsider exes both husbands and boyfriends? See if anyone is still available? At least I know their upside and downside and maybe they’ve changed?
SOL,
Margaret
Dear Margaret:
Before you go on this man hunt be prepared for sagging stomachs, hair and hearing loss, and possible shrinkage. I have seen it all and it’s not hot.
SPOILER ALERT! Don’t be surprised to find “exes” in the obits.
Do not waste time looking for the “never married” ex-boyfriend as he is a life time commitment phobe. Next! Vegas bookies say a widowed “ex” is your best bet. If you have one of those take a plane, train, or automobile to find him ASAP as they go fast.
You could face the same disaster I did. Many of my old boyfriends married the next woman after me. Was I chopped liver or cursed? I consulted a therapist, astrologist, and fortune cookie from the Szechuan Palace. The cookie was enigmatic – “The fortune you seek is in another cookie.” I ate a lot of hot and sour soup trying to find that elusive cookie. The search was futile and fattening.
Even if you re-connect they will still be the “ex” you left. My advice: look for new hunting grounds. And under any circumstance get a Golden Retriever.
Club Fed — A Destination Wedding
Dear Gail,
I’m in my late fifties and met a man online I have been dating for three years. The relationship has become serious and we are talking marriage. Last week he and I were at a romantic French restaurant and I’m getting ready for the proposal, when he hits me with, “Kelly, I love you but it’s time for a full confession before we go further. I went to prison eight years ago for insider trading.”
Don’t you think that he should have told me this on our 1st, 2nd or 3rd date?? I am in a state of shock and disillusionment about his keeping this secret.
What should I do? And should dating sites do background checks on their members?
Any advice welcome, thanks so much,
Kelly T.
Dear Kelly:
I am not hearing wedding bells. What happened to full disclosure three years ago? This is not petty theft but full on prison time regardless of its white collar crime status. Now you’re in love and expecting a ring only to get a confession. To hell with romance. Let’s see some prison pics. It’s possible he made some nice pot holders, lanyard keychains, or license plates he could give you on your first anniversary.
The prospective groom is also guilty of the “sin” of omission which begs… what else has he omitted? I doubt there’s a body in the freezer but you might want to check for stacks of hundreds before you leave.
I would love dating sites to find a way to background check members. My dating motto is: presume someone is a serial killer until proven otherwise. I Google search every prospective date, cross reference with name and address sites and search Google pics. Always remember Ted Bundy.
Need advice? Gail wants to hear from you. Send your letters, questions, and quandaries to: newsletter@weareageist.com
Hilarious! Great read!
😂