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Dear Gail: Liar Liar Pants on Fire — Dating in 2023 

Comedian Gail Forrest advises on dating challenges including lies on an online profile and partnering with a stoner

Liar Liar Pants on Fire  — Dating in 2023 

Dear Gail:
I am on a dating site and I specifically state that I don’t go out with people who smoke.  An attractive man contacted me and I agreed to a date. I sat down at our table and he reeked of smoke. He said he rarely smoked but happened to have a cigarette earlier. I am not looking for a smoking liar.   

How can I trust these dating site guys?

Dear Susan:
Breaking News – you can’t! Dating site profiles beg and reward people for lying. Hey, he got a date with you didn’t he?   

Everyone lies. From my experience, height, weight and age are the biggies. To say nothing of the bar mitzvah pic, a photo from the top of a mountain where the person looks like a teenie tiny dot (hey, dot man, a selfie please), posing in front of a Porsche which may not be his, but click bait, a baseball hat in every photo, think male pattern baldness, and Burnt Umber is not a real hair color.  

My rule of thumb is to subtract 1 1/2 inches from a man’s stated height, add 10 lbs to his weight, six years to his age and realize none of the pictures were taken in this century. 

Take my advice and do what I used to do when face to face with a liar: dismiss yourself to the bathroom and squish out the window.  

One Toke Over the Line Dude

Dear Gail,
I’ve got nothing against marijuana use, but a woman I’m going out with is a stoner — every day after work and all day on the weekends. She tends to ramble on non-intelligibly when really high. On the flip side, she’s bright and perky and a successful businesswoman. 

I get stoned with her occasionally, but I can’t keep up. My love of feeling high at this point in my life is iffy as I get paranoid and woozy. I also order out too many pizzas and ravage packages of Oreos.  

Should I write this relationship off as a “fun fling”?  

Matt F.

Dear Matt F.,
It sounds like you prefer pizza to pot and her. Oreos are fun but they will not sustain a relationship. Bright and perky won’t either if she is stoned a good percentage of the time, and rambles on unintelligibly. Any ramblings about feelings? It sounds like her relationship isn’t with you but her dealer.

I admit pot is back big time. I got high walking past a BMW on Santa Monica Blvd yesterday. In the olden days I would have jumped in, but it’s been fifty years so I kept walking. Nostalgically your letter takes me back to stoner college days when we were always “one toke over the line” and pizza boxes carpeted the dorm rooms. I don’t remember Oreos but sounds like a yummy addition to the stoner menu. Matt, keep in mind you’re not a college freshman anymore.

If you can find the “fun” and the “fling” in your relationship lots of luck. As a long-term serious partnership stick with the Oreos. Peace out, dude.

Need advice? Gail wants to hear from you. Send your letters, questions, and quandaries to: newsletter@weareageist.com

See medical disclaimer below. ↓


  1. Hi Gail all good advice here. Your last posting about the correspondence between MATCH and the obituaries now that was funny. But how is your lovelife if I may ask. Mine sucks. Got any suggestions nuthin but net? James M

  2. Is this dating advice supposed to be just entertaining or useful as well? I kinda find it unhelpful and juvenile. It seems like the punch-line is always “run!” What happened to discussing any concerns first with the person if they have been on more than a few dates?

    • I agree Leslie if you have been on more than one date you should try and talk it out. If there are big warning signs/red flashing lights on date one it might not be worth the conversation. As Maya Angelo said “when someone shows you who they are believe them.” I think those are wise prophetic words. I try and balance humor and some personal advice in my answers and have been on enough dating sites to know that “run” is operative advice. I am a comedy writer and stand up at heart so I thank you for reading and commenting.


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The ideas expressed here are solely the opinions of the author and are not researched or verified by AGEIST LLC, or anyone associated with AGEIST LLC. This material should not be construed as medical advice or recommendation, it is for informational use only. We encourage all readers to discuss with your qualified practitioners the relevance of the application of any of these ideas to your life. The recommendations contained herein are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. You should always consult your physician or other qualified health provider before starting any new treatment or stopping any treatment that has been prescribed for you by your physician or other qualified health provider. Please call your doctor or 911 immediately if you think you may have a medical or psychiatric emergency.

Gail Forresthttp://www.gailforrest.com
Gail Forrest is a comedy writer and stand up comic. She studied at Second City in Chicago and has performed at Pretty Funny Women and Flappers in LA, as well as Second City to name a few. She has a published book Gonepausal on Amazon about women in midlife and is working on a new book which includes men and promises to be just as funny with even more insights on aging.


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