Dear Gail: Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me

Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me

Dear Gail,

All my adult life people have made comments about my stuff: clothing, hair, even my car. Just the other day, a colleague (with whom I’m on good terms) said, “Your hair looks good today, now that it’s grown out.” Another person commented on a dark red suit, “That’s a lot of red!” I dress like Jackie O, not Bozo the Clown. Should I respond to unsolicited opinions or let it go? 

Caroline

Dear Caroline:

This is a “STICKS AND STONES” or “MEAN GIRLS,” moment, take your pick. I don’t believe in speaking the bubble over my head but apparently your friends do. Bubble speak is not a romance language.

Ironically, comedians suffer from unsolicited remarks all the time. When I get brutal comments on a YouTube video, I respond with, “Thank you so much for your thoughts.”   The end.  

You can fine-tune that approach by saying, in the sweetest and most insincere tone,  “Thank you so much for caring enough to comment on the color of my suit. That is sooo nice of you.” As for the officious hair statement, “It’s really flattering that you’ve paid enough attention to my hair that you’ve tracked its growth! I envy your free time.” 

Time to BURST those bubbles! 

Phubbed Again!  

Dear Gail:
My girlfriend and I have finally started to eat out quite frequently now that fear of COVID has subsided. I have noticed that she is constantly looking at her phone and making or answering texts. She looks down more than at me. It feels like she is dining with the phone. 

What should I say or do?
Phil the phone guy

Dear Phil:
You’ve been PHUBBED, Phil! Aside from that nice alliteration, you’re fucked. The words phone and snub have cross pollinated to mean “the snubbing of a physically present person in favor of a mobile phone.” In other words, a conversation killer and possible relationship ender. Not feelin’ the love? I’ve been phubbed in restaurants with Michelin stars. I get it.  

No matter how hot your dinner date, it takes Herculean strength to resist a text. The little devices strip you of free will. Leaving my phone behind makes me sweat, hyperventilate and feel certain I’ll miss a call that my dog is dying. I need a 12-step program or one simple step: leave the phubbing phone home.  

Phil, don’t be phubbed again. Order in… for one. She’ll get the phubbing message.

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