Kitchen Accidental
Dear Gail,
My bride is a lovely, intelligent woman. For twenty years now, she and I have faced challenges together and shared in our little triumphs… except in the kitchen.
Given my wife’s dreadful kitchen instincts, I worry that, one day, she will hurt herself in the place defined by sharp things and fire.
What’s a husband to do?
Sincerely,
A Man of a Certain Age Who Prefers Things Done a Certain Way
Dear Man of a Certain Age:
Has your wife accidentally stabbed herself or set herself on fire anytime during your marriage? I assume from your letter you think that is a possibility. She definitely needs to be removed from kitchen duty.
If you can cook I suggest you do a massive invasion and takeover of the kitchen. A kitchen coup! I would love someone/anyone to take occupation of mine, so come on by. I only know of it as a place to store luggage.
My best suggestion to save her life is to trade a Tiffany diamond tennis bracelet for the stove, refrigerator, and utensils. If that fails, up the ante with a matching necklace. Keep a trip to Paris in your back pocket if she’s a tough negotiator. I think she’ll fold for the blue boxes however.
Keep me posted.
Gail
The Great Date Escape
Dear Gail:
I’m out on my first meeting “blind” date from Match.com and it’s obvious to both of us that it’s not going well — and will not be repeated. How do we handle the check?
Will
Dear Will:
The biggest question I have is, why get as far as the check? Cut it short, very very short. If you’re mutually uninterested, don’t even order. Trust me, I am certain your date is thinking the same thing. I face that all the time and have yet to develop a good escape plan other than the age old “emergency phone call from a friend.”
In my “yute” I excused myself to the bathroom and never returned. A window escape now, however, would risk one or more broken bones and the arrival of an ambulance would give away my whereabouts. It was so simple back then.
Rather than labor over thoughts of the check, help both of you out by bowing out.
Sayonara.
Gail
Need advice? Gail wants to hear from you. Send your letters, questions, and quandaries to: newsletter@weareageist.com
Great stuff per usual.
Re: bowing out before anything is ordered – I can only speak for myself, but just as it takes me some time to recognize the other party’s attractive qualities, it takes some time for the other party’s not-so-attractive qualities to come to the fore. By then, coffee is on the table. My suggestion is to tip the waiter/waitress a lil something beforehand to take their time getting to your table and give you more time for assessment. One way or the other, it’s gonna cost you.
That is an interesting approach . I can’t tell you how many times I have been stuck for hours….literally hours when all I want to do is head for the door. It’s a slippery slope once you order.
It can be tough and I feel your pain.
Maybe make that first meet-up a breakfast. A cup of coffee and half a grapefruit doesn’t take near as long as a dinner.
true I’ve spent enough time at endless dinners where I wanted to drown myself in the soup
Thank you, once again, for brightening up my week. I’m addicted!
Thanks for being addicted….the good kind
Ha!!!! Do you remember when we became ‘liberated’ and that included the
assumption that we would pay 50% of all future restaurant checks when
we dated. And we were so happy to feel so empowered. Be careful what
you wish for. Are we back to that?
I hate paying. It’s my cheap gene thank you Dad. I offer more now than I did when I was younger. I am never happy about paying on a date and have references!
Wise words, and all I can add is, if you want to ensure that she never has illusions that the date went well in the fog of hindsight, tell her up front that that you will be going dutch, and announce it in Dutch to not only drive the point home but also to cement the idea that you are intolerable and never to be approached again.
I laughed about stating your case in Dutch. Very funny.
Always irreverent relevant. Please don’t stop. I am becoming codependent on your advice.
I accept your co-dependence!