My bride is a lovely, intelligent woman. For twenty years now, she and I have faced challenges together and shared in our little triumphs… except in the kitchen.
Given my wife’s dreadful kitchen instincts, I worry that, one day, she will hurt herself in the place defined by sharp things and fire.
What’s a husband to do?
A Man of a Certain Age Who Prefers Things Done a Certain Way
Dear Man of a Certain Age:
Has your wife accidentally stabbed herself or set herself on fire anytime during your marriage? I assume from your letter you think that is a possibility. She definitely needs to be removed from kitchen duty.
If you can cook I suggest you do a massive invasion and takeover of the kitchen. A kitchen coup! I would love someone/anyone to take occupation of mine, so come on by. I only know of it as a place to store luggage.
My best suggestion to save her life is to trade a Tiffany diamond tennis bracelet for the stove, refrigerator, and utensils. If that fails, up the ante with a matching necklace. Keep a trip to Paris in your back pocket if she’s a tough negotiator. I think she’ll fold for the blue boxes however.
Keep me posted.
The Great Date Escape
I’m out on my first meeting “blind” date from Match.com and it’s obvious to both of us that it’s not going well — and will not be repeated. How do we handle the check?
The biggest question I have is, why get as far as the check? Cut it short, very very short. If you’re mutually uninterested, don’t even order. Trust me, I am certain your date is thinking the same thing. I face that all the time and have yet to develop a good escape plan other than the age old “emergency phone call from a friend.”
In my “yute” I excused myself to the bathroom and never returned. A window escape now, however, would risk one or more broken bones and the arrival of an ambulance would give away my whereabouts. It was so simple back then.
Rather than labor over thoughts of the check, help both of you out by bowing out.
Need advice? Gail wants to hear from you. Send your letters, questions, and quandaries to: firstname.lastname@example.org