Here Comes the Bride Again!
I’m a 55-year-old divorced woman in Chicago with a 60-year-old fiancé. He is obsessed with the idea that we be married and honeymoon in Las Vegas: the home of casinos, gambling, mobsters, blinding neon lights, show girls, and overall tackiness.
But then should I care where I get married at this point in life?
Thanks so much,
Darlene C. in the windy city
Dear Darlene C:
Of course you should care! 2nd marriage, 3rd marriage, it’s still a big deal, you’re getting married, girl! Woo hoo! Here comes the bride AND PRESENTS. Congratulations, as it’s tough to find a date these days no less a fiancé. Btw, can you pm me how you met him?
So, did he get down on his knees, engagement ring in hand and pop the question? I don’t know if anyone ever actually does that but it’s a nice vision — a man on his knees! Although at 60 it might be precarious and embarrassing if you had to help him up, slather on the Bengay or call an Orthopedist.
As for Las Vegas, I agree. You won’t see a lot of him as the dice are like a Siren’s song where you never stop losing money and sleep. Be sure and pack Lysol spray as the casinos smell like Jack Daniel’s and gamblers who probably haven’t bathed in twenty-four hours or more. Not feeling the romance yet?
I suggest you casually mention that after careful consideration you believe it to be more romantic and seductive to be married on Maui. Buy a ukulele, a grass skirt and do a hot hula to set the scene.
Throw me the Lei!
Speedos — Expiration Date Required
I just started dating a 65-year-old man who invited me to his club for a swim. When he walked out of the locker room in a red Speedo my jaw dropped and I almost lost consciousness. I think a Speedo is totally unacceptable swimming attire for a man his age.
Should I tell him or forget him? He’s already invited me to come to his club next weekend.
OH NO, anything but a Speedo! The last men who looked good in Speedos were swimming for Olympic gold. Ahhhh to see those hot bodies again…yummy! A 65-year-old man should be in baggy cotton swim shorts, not sagging in skimpy red synthetic. I hear ya, darlin’.
A Speedo requires personal maintenance like a Brazilian wax or full shave job, and only women can endure that kind of extreme torture. As for red, the most attention getting of colors, does he own a mirror? Although men have magic mirrors that don’t accurately show a current reflection but rather their senior year in college.
Unfortunately for you Speedos are making a fashion comeback, so he is au courant. However, there should be a cutoff age of 25, pending flat abs. There is definitely a retirement age for some clothing and Speedos top the list. I retired my bikinis years ago because my mirrors are as up to date as “breaking news.”
As for seeing him in the suit again, say you’re busy next weekend and suggest another time on dry land. If after a few terra firma meetings you like him, buy him a gift…swimming trunks.
Need advice? Gail wants to hear from you. Send your letters, questions, and quandaries to: firstname.lastname@example.org