Dear Gail: Here Comes the Bride Again! 

Comedian Gail Forrest advises on Las Vegas weddings and whether Speedo-wearing should be a dating deal breaker

Here Comes the Bride Again! 

Dear Gail,
I’m a 55-year-old divorced woman in Chicago with a 60-year-old fiancé. He is obsessed with the idea that we be married and honeymoon in Las Vegas: the home of casinos, gambling, mobsters, blinding neon lights, show girls, and overall tackiness.

But then should I care where I get married at this point in life? 

Thanks so much,
Darlene C. in the windy city

Dear Darlene C:
Of course you should care! 2nd marriage, 3rd marriage, it’s still a big deal, you’re getting married, girl! Woo hoo! Here comes the bride AND PRESENTS. Congratulations, as it’s tough to find a date these days no less a fiancé. Btw, can you pm me how you met him?

So, did he get down on his knees, engagement ring in hand and pop the question? I don’t know if anyone ever actually does that but it’s a nice vision — a man on his knees! Although at 60 it might be precarious and embarrassing if you had to help him up, slather on the Bengay or call an Orthopedist.

As for Las Vegas, I agree. You won’t see a lot of him as the dice are like a Siren’s song where you never stop losing money and sleep. Be sure and pack Lysol spray as the casinos smell like Jack Daniel’s and gamblers who probably haven’t bathed in twenty-four hours or more. Not feeling the romance yet? 

I suggest you casually mention that after careful consideration you believe it to be more romantic and seductive to be married on Maui. Buy a ukulele, a grass skirt and do a hot hula to set the scene.

ALOHA, baby.
Throw me the Lei!

Speedos — Expiration Date Required

Dear Gail:
I just started dating a 65-year-old man who invited me to his club for a swim. When he walked out of the locker room in a red Speedo my jaw dropped and I almost lost consciousness. I think a Speedo is totally unacceptable swimming attire for a man his age.   

Should I tell him or forget him? He’s already invited me to come to his club next weekend.
Swimming Sue

Dear Sue:
OH NO, anything but a Speedo! The last men who looked good in Speedos were swimming for Olympic gold. Ahhhh to see those hot bodies again…yummy! A 65-year-old man should be in baggy cotton swim shorts, not sagging in skimpy red synthetic. I hear ya, darlin’.

A Speedo requires personal maintenance like a Brazilian wax or full shave job, and only women can endure that kind of extreme torture. As for red, the most attention getting of colors, does he own a mirror? Although men have magic mirrors that don’t accurately show a current reflection but rather their senior year in college.

Unfortunately for you Speedos are making a fashion comeback, so he is au courant.   However, there should be a cutoff age of 25, pending flat abs. There is definitely a retirement age for some clothing and Speedos top the list. I retired my bikinis years ago because my mirrors are as up to date as “breaking news.” 

As for seeing him in the suit again, say you’re busy next weekend and suggest another time on dry land. If after a few terra firma meetings you like him, buy him a gift…swimming trunks.  

Need advice? Gail wants to hear from you. Send your letters, questions, and quandaries to: newsletter@weareageist.com

See medical disclaimer below. ↓


  1. Good one, Gail.

    Something you might pass on to Darlene C in Chicago – there really is in Las Vegas a fully Hawaiian-themed wedding chapel, the Aloha Wedding Chapel where she and and her spouse-to-be can be wed in the best (or worse) of both worlds.

    Yes, I do realize this is one of those worst case scenario solutions.

  2. I sincerely disagree with your advice for Swimming Sue. To me the guy is being his authentic self by wearing his Speedos. They are the best thing to wear for swimming — and you said they met at a swim club. It takes a guy who thinks differently and is not afraid to march to the beat of his own drum to wear a Speedo. I am 59 and I still look good in Speedos. We are never told how he looked in them, just that it was not appropriate for his age. I am sure the dude rocked it. At 65 years of age, we have the right to wear what we please. If anything, I think the guy should break things off with Sue due to her intolerance of his fashion choices. Aren’t there more important things like the quality of his character, his honesty and openness to consider before making a rash judgement over what someone chooses to wear?

    • Thanks much for your comment. I see your point of view also. I did query a few other women before I posted my opinion/point of view and they unanimously agreed with me on the age limitation on Speedos. I agree you should wear whatever you feel comfortable in. I think we all have fashion standards on some level and, so those were Sue’s. Again thanks for chiming in!


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The ideas expressed here are solely the opinions of the author and are not researched or verified by AGEIST LLC, or anyone associated with AGEIST LLC. This material should not be construed as medical advice or recommendation, it is for informational use only. We encourage all readers to discuss with your qualified practitioners the relevance of the application of any of these ideas to your life. The recommendations contained herein are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. You should always consult your physician or other qualified health provider before starting any new treatment or stopping any treatment that has been prescribed for you by your physician or other qualified health provider. Please call your doctor or 911 immediately if you think you may have a medical or psychiatric emergency.

Gail Forresthttp://www.gailforrest.com
Gail Forrest is a comedy writer and stand up comic. She studied at Second City in Chicago and has performed at Pretty Funny Women and Flappers in LA, as well as Second City to name a few. She has a published book Gonepausal on Amazon about women in midlife and is working on a new book which includes men and promises to be just as funny with even more insights on aging.


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