Dear Gail: Golf Is a Good Marriage Ruined     

Golf Is a Good Marriage Ruined                        

Dear Gail,
I’m 63, married, and an excellent golfer. I started playing when I was 10, and had pro potential but chose another career path. I belong to a golf club, play multiple times a week and love it. Golf is my passion.

Now my retired husband wants me to *teach him the game*. He says this will give us something to do together. He has never held a club in his life and I fear I might lose my mind or “kill” him in the process of teaching him.  

What should I do? 

Appreciatively,
Helen W

Dear Helen:
Step away from the golf cart and put on your thinking cap. Teaching your husband to golf is the worst idea ever…ever! And I hope you keep a stash of Xanax in your golf bag because your nerves will be shot on day one. I had a golfer boyfriend try and teach me to play.  “You’re doing it all wrong! Keep your head still, look down, take the club back with your elbow bent more to the right, and follow thru in one smooth motion.” I stopped liking him at “elbow.” I married a tennis player. You, my dear, run the risk of losing your husband as well as your mind.

Avoid a marital double bogey and hire him a coach. 

And If he insists on being together try Pickleball.  It’s simple to learn and no Xanax needed. 

FORE! 

Wrong Question — Right Answer 

Dear Gail,
I’m a widower, age 65, and admittedly I am a slob. My wife let me be myself, but here’s the problem — I’ve struck up a rather serious online relationship with a woman. We have not actually met face-to-face but she’s going to be visiting me at my home. We agreed to spend a week together, and see how it goes. I’ve made attempts at cleaning up my residence but I’m afraid she’s eventually going to find what I really am.

Should I tell her before she arrives? 

What do you think?
Stan F. 

Dear Stan:
Are you out of your freaking mind?!! SHE’S STAYING A WEEK? I don’t care how messy your house is that’s beside the point. Seven days is six too long with a woman you’ve never met in the three dimensional world. Regardless of the endless hours, months or years you have spent communicating on line or the “deep” connection you’ve forged as a result, it’s still fantasyland. Fantasy, baby! No matter how many times zones away she is meet for coffee close to the airport.   

This is risky turf as you’re not Tony and Maria from West Side Story locking love struck eyes and bursting into song.  It’s two internet daters searching for love in the ethosphere.  She won’t be looking around your house she’ll be staring at you and vice versa. The real people world can be a big shock. I’ve had men fly to meet me and I promise it rarely lives up to the anticipation. I’m grateful for return tickets!  

But if it’s the mess you’re really worried about…call a cleaning service.  And mums the word.

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