Dear Gail: You Have to Pay to Play

You Have to Pay to Play

Dear Gail,
I have been with my partner for eight years and we are both in our seventies. We, however, have different views on two important issues. 1) I believe that if you put your partner first and they do the same, you’ll have a good relationship. She does not agree. 2) Since day one I have paid for everything. A year ago, she lost her mother who left quite a sizable inheritance. I feel she can now chip in. She still feels that the man should pay for everything. Your thoughts?
Bob

Dear Bob:
You only have one issue, darlin’: you’re running second in a two horse race. Not even a photo finish. She’s got herself a freaking sweet deal. She better pray you stay together because the world of dating/relationships would shock the shit out of her. It’s a place of equals now, not Ozzie and Harriet. She would have to learn a new skill set like offering to split a check. That was hard for me at first and can cause chest tightening or breathing difficulties but it’s a new playing field for men and women. RIP Harriet. 

Bob, second place sucks. Get off your Ozzie ass, as you deserve a photo finish. I know it’s hard to go back out in dating land, but you sound like a prize. And if you can drive at night, run for the roses, baby…
Call me!

The Designated Tweezer 

Dear Gail:
I don’t know how to handle this. Do you tell a friend she has dark chin hairs? I am dying to tell her or pull them out myself but don’t know if it’s insulting or none of my business. After menopause I know it is a common problem and personally I am always on tweezer alert.
Mary from Minneapolis

Dear Mary:
Grab your tweezer and run don’t walk to your friend’s house. Nurse Super Tweezer to the rescue! It’s the least women can do for each other after menopause when we can grow Abe Lincoln’s beard in a nano second. She probably doesn’t realize the hairs are publicly visible, multiply like roaches, and you’re Abe in the blink of an eye. In fear of having a full beard when my tweezing skills and sight diminish, I have a Designated Tweezer. She has permission to pluck any rogue hairs missed on my search-and-destroy missions until death do us part! I, for one, do not want to be buried or cremated with a beard.

I think you will be performing an act of kindness, albeit she might be embarrassed, taken aback and upset with the news, so go bearing gifts. I suggest a Tweezerman which is the best tool for facial excavation. And pot brownies to make menopause fun?

Need advice? Gail wants to hear from you. Send your letters, questions, and quandaries to: newsletter@weareageist.com