Susan
Welcome to another episode of the Since You Asked show, again coming from sunny Florida. It is a beautiful spring day. I guess the only people who probably don’t think that is those who suffer from allergies because the pollen is out in force. But it is beautiful nonetheless.
So, we’ve got another question for you this week. And this one comes from a woman who was recently widowed. She was married for quite some time, more than 30 years, and she has several adult children and feels quite lonely. So she decides that she’s going to jump into the dating pool and try and get back out there. She feels lonely and her kids have their own lives and she just wants to feel romance, have someone to go out to dinner with, all of the things that I think comes with dating at this age; you just want a companion. And she has every right to do that.
And she said, “Everything’s fine. I meet this great guy, one of the few men who didn’t have a large fish in his profile picture.” I don’t know what she had against fish, but they were having a great time, and she decides she’s going to bring him home to meet her kids. And that’s when all hell breaks loose. And it almost sounds like Meet the Fockers meets Game of Thrones. You know, her kids really did not behave well. So her question for me is: “How do I deal with these kids that have kind of turned into assholes a bit?”
One of the things I remember Mel Robbins saying a long time ago was that adult children can be assholes. We have to try and parent, sometimes, adult children like we parented them when they were younger. In fact, think of all the times when they perhaps dated that guy who had a lizard tattoo or 4000 piercings or something, that we didn’t care for. But as long as they weren’t harming our children, you know, we had to give our children grace. And in this case, I think, as the renowned parenting expert Dr. Becky gives advice on, we have to try and parent our adult children as if they were small children again. I think we have to sit them down and explain to them that we have a life that we want to fill with happiness and fill those voids of loneliness. And we have every right to do that.
Our children, you know, have to understand that they probably have feelings of frustration, and you can certainly approach that from the same language that Dr. Becky used. “I understand that you have frustrations or fears that maybe I’m trying to use this man to replace your father.” But most women, I think, that are widows, would admit that they would never be able to replace the person that they were married to for a long period of time. There’s no way you can do that. But you are entitled to be the pilot of your own plane and your kids don’t get to tell you, you know, the route you get to take.
So, in regard to them being assholes, as you say, I think, you know, if your kids made it to 30, 40, 50, they already know how to tie their own shoes. So basically they are independent adults. They are no longer children. And that being said, they have to reason that their mother deserves a beautiful life and if she chooses to spend that life with a significant other, again, she is entitled to do that. Again, like I said earlier, she is the pilot of her own plane. And sometimes that means that you have to love your kids, but maybe set some boundaries that they aren’t used to.
And that’s okay because you have only one life on this planet and you get to do you. So that’s my advice. If you’ve never heard of Dr. Becky, you can find her on Instagram. She’s just got great advice for people in general. Realize that your kids made it this far; they’re going to be just fine no matter who you date.
And have a wonderful life! You only get once, you know, one time around this planet, and you are entitled to that. So go out and live it. Enjoy him, enjoy what you’ve found. Because I will tell you, from my experience, the dating pool for me has been more like a toxic swamp. So the fact that you found someone that’s really nice and doesn’t like fish is terrific.
So, mazel tov. Bravo. Kudos to you. Go do life. Do you, boo. And keep sending us your questions.
Be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel and listen to our videos. They are lots of fun. We so appreciate all of you. That’s it. Have a great week. I love you, bye.
