It’s Always Something
Dear Gail,
Here’s something that’s been troubling me; maybe you can help.
When I was a child, I spent a lot of time at my grandparents’ house where my grandfather would have his friends over and do nothing but talk about their ailments, aches, pains, and endless doctor appointments. Occasionally one of them would hoist his shirt up to reveal some hideous incision, which filled me with horror and revulsion.
I’m a grandfather now, and find I’m doing the same thing with my friends.
Do women do this too?
Regards,
Benn
Dear Benn:
What a coincidence! I was just on the phone coughing nonstop and complaining to my friend Carol about it. She chimed in with how the same hacking cough plagued her for weeks. I think this is the new bonding.
Ironically however, we complain less about ailments, aches, pains and doctor’s appointments and more about sagging necks, drooping eye lids, nasolabial folds, receding jaw lines and sun damage. My friend Liz sent me a picture of her face after a new kind of laser treatment and it was pretty gruesome — Bride of Frankenstein gruesome. Update, now she looks five years younger. Laser me in on this.
Face and neck lifts are never off topic. I would consider both but once you lift there’s no turning back. The outcome is forever and could be disastrous so I would definitely need the name of Lesley Stahl’s or Jane Fonda’s surgeons.
Benn, I suggest for a change of subject matter you and your buddies take a good, hard, honest look in the mirror like women do and I think you’ll have plenty of new topics about which to complain.
Gail
Foodie Schmoodie
Dear Gail,
I’m a 55-year-old suburbanite and most of my friends are “foodies,” or so they tell me. I’m not entirely sure what the term “foodie” means. I’ve been eating food all my life, so I would think that qualifies me as a full-fledged foodie, but apparently not.
How does one become a foodie? Should I become one? I should tell you I have no cooking skills whatsoever.
Thx,
Harry
Dear Harry:
It is so funny you asked me this question because I am absolutely 100% NOT a foodie. I couldn’t care less about the newest food trends or most foods for that matter. Cottage cheese and scrambled eggs are as exotic as I eat. I do, however, like a nice blue cheese stuffed olive in my Martini.
Friends hate going out to dinner with me because I’m a food buzz kill. When they want to split some appetizers I refuse if they’re spicy or have legs. I also ixnay Mexican and Indian restaurants. I eat home a lot.
Don’t feel pressured to strive for foodie status. Becoming one involves going to the newest trendy restaurant, valet parking, and defibrillator paddles after you look at the check. Find friends who appreciate the simpler foods like mashed potatoes, tomato soup, and meatloaf.
However, there is good news! If you ate Spam as a kid it’s now trending on TikTok and in some finer restaurants. So, Harry, proudly call yourself a foodie.
Bon Appetit!
Gail
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Great stuff and excellent advice as usual.
Re foodies – not long ago I was with a gathering of foodie friends at a restaurant, and we all ordered the same soup as an appetizer. After we took a first sip of the soup, everyone but me started commenting in rapturous tones about what the soup’s ingredients were: “Ooh, a hint of ginger”, “I detect a dash of turmeric”, “Just a shade of quinoa with lemongrass”, etc. etc. I had nothing to say. To me, it was just very good chicken soup.
I felt crestfallen at the time, but your response to Harry has heartened me.
Comfort Food Forever!
I have been with oenophiles who do the same thing. Can be very annoying….just eat the damn food and drink the wine. Yes, sing out comfort food forever.
Always look forward to this column! You never fail to make me laugh !
And thanks for reading and laughing especially!
Want to become, frail, weak and helpless? Keep talking about your aches and pains. Truly, no one except you cares to hear this. Stop yourself when you’re doing this and move on to a more positive subject, like the last book you read.
I agree, although it’s funny the older you get the more the conversation turns to the latest doc appointment or a sore knee etc. I have stopped conversations in their tracks and said we should change the subject. We all get a laugh out of finding ourselves complaining about ailments. Yes, stay active, move move move! It’s the healthist alternative.