David
So, we’re here to answer everybody’s questions. And this week, our question is from a 64-year-old man. “My marriage is solid. My kids are launched and doing well. But I’m feeling a little lost, a little anxious, and slightly out of sorts in my life. Should I get therapy, a coach, or wait for it to pass?” Rob, what are your thoughts, from experience?
Rob
It will not pass. Every now and again you need help, whether it’s therapy or a coach. You can talk about it. But get some help to get you out of it, for sure.
Susan
I think you need help, as well. And I think there’s a big movement in men seeking out other men that have similar issues. And there’s lots of groups that are available for that.
David
Let’s get into this a little bit. Have any of you guys experienced something like this — being lost and having to reach out for help?
Rob
Yeah, coming from a man, I’ve been in therapy, I’ve got a new coach right now and I’m really excited about it because we all just need a little help. It’s like Roger Federer, the best tennis player in the world, had a coach, right? Every now and again, you’re not really aware of what’s going on in your life. So, you get a little help, whether it’s a coach or therapy. Experiment, explore. But absolutely get that help.
David
Susan, what are your thoughts on this? Have you experienced anything like this?
Susan
When I began my physical transformation, I was at a big low. And I think finding a physical transformation coach, for me, was a huge help. And then that led me to finding a tribe of like-minded women and you could reach out to them. And when you find that you have these people that think like you and feel like you, I think it could kind of lift you out of something like a depression. I don’t know if that’s the entire answer, but it’s certainly helpful.
Rob
I love that. That is a huge thing, right? You’re not alone when you start getting into these funks. When I start getting into my funks, sometimes I feel like I’m alone and have nobody to talk to. Those groups are key, and I’m really a big fan of coaching because they hold me accountable, right? When we go through our program, we go through the exercises, she busts my balls to make sure that I’m doing them. And for me, that’s important. The accountability from a coach is fabulously important.
David
I think what we’re talking about here is essentially mental health. And for so many of us — I can speak for our gender, men — this idea that, like, we’ve got to tough it out or it’s going to pass, no, no, no. The surgeon general has said that loneliness kills more people than smoking. So, no reason to suffer and tough it out.
Go out there, seek some help, see what you can get. A coach sounds like a good idea to me. Susan, did you use coaches with your physicality?
Susan
I did, and then I moved on to get a spiritual coach. I have never done mindset spirituality before, and one of the things about having sort of a spiritual life coach is that you start to focus on the wins in your life. And it was something that I wasn’t doing a lot of. Instead of looking at what made me sad and starting every day like that, focusing on my wins, my gratitude, what’s thriving in my life. It’s not always easy, but certainly changes my mindset enough to attract happier things.
David
Rob, would you be okay giving us an example of what your coach is holding you accountable to?
Rob
So, to what Susan was talking about: when I start thinking negative thoughts, that I have to reframe them. It’s the same information, the same thing that’s going on, but I just focus on reframing it to a positive instead of a negative. Instead of playing the victim, I’m the hero. Instead of saying, “Oh, this sucks,” I say, “What’s the lesson,” right?
And it’s hard work and we’re talking all the time. And so, when we talk, she holds me accountable to doing that. And with time, it gets easier and easier and easier. So it’s not like every minute of every day anymore. So I’m having those wins. Having that sounding board, having that accountability, really, really is helping change my mindset, for sure.
David
Absolutely. In my recollection, this is sort of the life coach or the spiritual coach. These sort of things are somewhat new, like, I don’t know, the last 10 or 15 years. You know, there was, like, therapy way back when, but this is something different, in my experience. It’s really great just having somebody there who’s on your team, like you were saying. Roger Federer has more than one coach, I’ve got to tell you.
Rob
I’m sure he’s got a whole team. And why can’t we avail ourselves to an equal amount of help?
David
Susan, any closing thoughts on this?
Susan
Again, it’s a verb. It’s an action. You have to step forward and say, what do you want in your life? You can’t just sit there and be a victim to whatever. I mean, I know depression is far more complicated than that, but definitely take some steps to see if you can change the mindset, at the very least.
Rob
And you’re not alone. I had this one coach tell me, I’m telling him this is what’s wrong and I’ve got these issues, and he looks at me and goes, “Rob, you’re normally f*cked up; don’t worry about it. Fix this. Don’t stress yourself. Don’t beat yourself up.”
David
I think there could be some debate about the “normally f*cked up.” I just want to put that out there.
Susan
Yeah, that is up for question.
David
Seek out the resources. There are resources online. There are people who are local. Maybe you work better face to face, maybe you work better like we are digitally here. A lot of ways to do this. No reason to suffer. Go out there and find some help.
Rob
Absolutely.
David
Guys, thank you so much. We’ll see everybody next week. Take care.
