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Dear Gail: Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Men Are Vain After All

Comedian Gail Forrest guides men through the confusing worlds of manscaping, Brazilians, and cosmetic surgery

Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Men Are Vain After All                     

Dear Gail,
I read your reply to the woman who asked for advice on cosmetic surgery, and I was impressed by your honesty re: the benefits of it. So my question – what about cosmetic surgery for us guys? Once I heard Cher on a TV show say something to the effect that guys really didn’t need cosmetic surgery (particularly if they were very wealthy), but I’m not so sure. Me, I’d like to look younger (I’m 61) because I now look like the proverbial “twenty miles of bad road.” 

Do you know guys who’ve had cosmetic surgery? If so, what did they look like? Would you recommend? 

Grizzled Gus

Dear Grizzled:
What a coincidence as I just lunched with a friend who recently had his eyes lifted.  Honestly I don’t remember what they looked like before but he claimed he had droopy lids and pouch-like bags underneath which made him appear old and sad. He is now happy, bag free and has less money. Coincidentally my friend Brian had the same surgery and it looks like the surgeon only fixed one eye…whoops and very Picasso-esque. He didn’t notice. And yes I mentioned it…haven’t heard from him since.

I have a long-held belief that men have magic mirrors. No matter how old, gray, bald, and wrinkled they don’t see it. How is that possible unless magic is involved? And where the hell do you buy these mirrors? Women, not so lucky. I look at myself and miss nothing. No wrinkle, sag, bag, rogue chin hair or pimple goes unexamined. One tiny new line between my eyes can ruin a perfectly good day. I want magic too. 

I think it’s only fair if men take a hard look in the mirror and expect of themselves what they expect of women. Cher was right in one regard, if you’re a rich and powerful male no magic is necessary just a Black Am Ex card and matching S class Mercedes. But presto chango, reality bites for the rest.

Grizzled Gus, I think it’s fine to have a little cosmetic “fixer upper.” Tired of your nose?  Have a Mitch McConnell chin and neck? Baggy saggy eyes? Do whatever it takes and to hell with your gender.  At sixty-one there is plenty of time to get your “twenty miles of bad road” repaired.

Send me pixs.

You’re Never Too Old to Be Ten Again?

Dear Gail, 
Currently, I am dating a younger woman (I never thought I would refer to a woman in her early 60s as a younger woman). During dinner she mentioned things that I’m not totally familiar with, like waxing and a Brazilian. My mental references were shining my car and traveling to Ipanema. She said just because I am in my seventies doesn’t mean I have to look like a seventies porn star.

My question is, was that a hint about manscaping? Is there an alternative to waxing? I can shave the conventional way but that could be dangerous if I cut myself. Putting little pieces of toilet paper on the cuts are unsightly enough on my face.

What’s a man to do these days?   


Dear Harry:
Ouch! Ouch! And OMG are you freaking kidding me? I feel your pain and understand the question too well. It seems crazy to me why anyone would want to become prepubescent again – man or woman.           

To Brazilian or not to Brazilian, and like you I don’t mean a trip to Rio, or a good strong cup of coffee. I am talking about the bikini wax gone rogue, the mother of all waxes, the kill me now waxing of all pubic hair. I think of it on the same level as “extreme sports.” Whose idea was this? Is Kate Moss behind the conspiracy, as she looks oddly hairless. Decades after going through puberty, why would any gender consider looking ten years old again? 

Unlike you, it was a man who told me about this new beauty regimen and yes, I was dating him. “You talkin’ to me, Mister?” I became weak, sweaty and oddly itchy. Is every woman and man now hairless? Did I miss the memo? Is this the new normal?  

I needed data quick! I collected answers from my male inner circle regardless of my burning desire to ask every man and woman I saw in Starbucks, “A Brazilian wax with your Brazilian beans?” From my male friends I heard two words more associated with aviation than beauty – a “landing strip” was their preference. I wasn’t deterred by a sudden urge to book a vacation and queried my women friends. They were oddly silent. Only my ex-boyfriend Peter spoke up and told me he has been manscaping for years. I was oddly silent as I had never noticed.

Harry, I suggest you start cutting toilet paper into tiny pieces as the alternative involves mind numbing pain and possibly crying.

Need advice? Gail wants to hear from you. Send your letters, questions, and quandaries to: newsletter@weareageist.com 

See medical disclaimer below. ↓


  1. Your advice is right on, Gail. I once knew a woman who got a Brazilian in order to try and win back her husband who had strayed. She walked around for two days looking like she had razor blades up her….ummm, place where the sun don’t shine. And her facial expressions were such that I couldn’t look at her. So be you man or woman, just say NO!

  2. As usual, very funny and on the money.

    Yes, men do have that “magic mirror” in which their age defects are not really visible to them. But tell you what, Gail – unless they are rolling in moolah, men become aware that they are no longer as attractive as they once were, and I mean *acutely* aware. They’re not getting the second glances, the flirtations, the inviting smiles ….

    I’m older than Grizzled Gus by about 15 years, so maybe I’m more into simple acceptance of aging than he is …. fact is, I don’t mind facial sagging and bags, etc., but one thing, I admit, nags at me a bit, and that’s the onset of a Joe Biden-like pallor, the bloodless face, electrified corpse appearance …. what’s do about that?

    • Well I actually do mind every wrinkle and get seek help but the sun killed my skin as it’s blotchy which is my next project. And yes, men without money don’t stand a chance against the deep pocket guys. No magic mirror can compete with that.

  3. Very cute. As a male (as a person…) the very thought of Brazillian Waxing is just this side of self-flagellation. There must be some kind of 13th Century monastic order still operating, but going South for the pain rather than a more common sense whip to the back.

    I am just reentering the dating pool. It is painful to contemplate going out and dealing with all the rejection slips I will get (my Magic Mirror seems to not be working). But genital adjacent torture? Really?

    Maybe solo isn’t so bad after all…

    • Not into torture? Cannot blame you as it does sound very Salem Witch Hunt or Spanish Inquisition like. As for the dating pool, it’s a cess pool so stay home and watch “HACKS” it’s the best….hbo


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The ideas expressed here are solely the opinions of the author and are not researched or verified by AGEIST LLC, or anyone associated with AGEIST LLC. This material should not be construed as medical advice or recommendation, it is for informational use only. We encourage all readers to discuss with your qualified practitioners the relevance of the application of any of these ideas to your life. The recommendations contained herein are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. You should always consult your physician or other qualified health provider before starting any new treatment or stopping any treatment that has been prescribed for you by your physician or other qualified health provider. Please call your doctor or 911 immediately if you think you may have a medical or psychiatric emergency.

Gail Forresthttp://www.gailforrest.com
Gail Forrest is a comedy writer and stand up comic. She studied at Second City in Chicago and has performed at Pretty Funny Women and Flappers in LA, as well as Second City to name a few. She has a published book Gonepausal on Amazon about women in midlife and is working on a new book which includes men and promises to be just as funny with even more insights on aging.


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