Dear Gail: Presto Chango, Face Lift or Fillers?

Comedian Gail Forrest advises on what to do about an astrology-obsessed girlfriend and whether to indulge in cosmetic surgery

Presto Chango, Face Lift or Fillers?

Dear Gail,
You probably knew this topic was inevitable, so here it is: cosmetic surgery, should I get it? I’m 58 and I definitely like the idea of looking better, what older person doesn’t? But … whereas some of the surgical results I’ve seen make a person’s face less lined with skin more smooth and clear, they don’t always come out looking all that natural, do they?

Have you had cosmetic surgery? Have any of your friends? What are your impressions?

Thank you,
Facing the Future Francis 

Dear Francis:
For starters I think we should leave Madonna out of this conversation. She seems to have lost control of her face, or is channeling ET.

I confess, I have filler in my face at this writing. I am definitely a believer in this magic game changer. As I got older the lines around my nose and mouth deepened and I couldn’t believe it was me and not Howdy Doody. I resorted to covering the mirrors, only looking with one eye or with both eyes at half mast. I couldn’t believe what was happening to my face, and should I blame my mother or father? Definitely my dad for my neck…he was the ghost of Christmas future.  

My girlfriends were all getting botoxed, filled and lifted. I’m a needle phobe and could not imagine them stuck into my face. It sounded like certain death, but the girls were lookin’ good. I decided to channel Franklin D. Roosevelt: “I had nothing to fear except fear itself.”  Bring on the filler!

I sweated, shook, and briefly saw stars while my talented doc transformed me from cartoon character to human. (I take a Xanax beforehand now and then I don’t care what they stick in my face.) I went home, uncovered the mirrors and learned to use both eyes again.  

Ixnay to a face lift as the results are not reversible and I could wake up and look like The Joker, then I’m doomed to face lift hell. Fillers can be dissolved thankfully which is my escape from cosmetic purgatory.  

Beware that once you look better you will get the “addiction” and your first time will not be your last. I guarantee it. 

Or feel younger and buy a Porsche instead. 

Have You Outgrown Your Sun Sign? 

Dear Gail,
I’ve had a good relationship with my current girlfriend for the past three years, but here’s the issue that concerns me: While she’s smart and down-to-earth in most things, she’s really into astrology. Whenever I make an observation about politics or culture, she tells me that I said it because I have my natal Saturn in my 4th house squaring by Mars in the 7th, so of course I’d see things this way. I go along with her because it’s a good relationship, and I want to keep it that way.

What do you think? Could this become a real problem? Have you known people obsessed with astrology? If so, how do you deal with them?

Bruce Z.

Dear Bruce Z:
“When the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars.”  

Bruce, I’ve indulged myself in everything astrologically possible: my chart done 4 times, two palm readings, the tarot cards, which predicted I’d be dead the following week, consulted a famous New York City astrologer with celebrity clients who was expensive and wrong, but maybe he got Al Pacino’s right, my espresso grounds read by my witch-like aunt, a phone psychic who said sex was in my future, she was right thankfully, and my Turkish mother who was a believer in the evil eye which scared the shit out of me.  

My girlfriends and I went through a period of reading copiously about our newest boyfriend’s sign. Ixnay to Taurus men, but married one. Scorpios are bad for me but still don’t understand why. Are they bad for everyone? I confess when reading a fashion magazine I search frantically for the horoscope page and end up feeling hopeful or despairing, but forget 5 minutes later. Btw my sun sign is Sagittarius and I used to know my moon sign but don’t remember if it was rising or falling or in a house.

Bruce Z all I can say is that you should visit a fortune teller to see if this relationship is in your future.

Need advice? Gail wants to hear from you. Send your letters, questions, and quandaries to: newsletter@weareageist.com

See medical disclaimer below. ↓


  1. Remember when your Dad sat down for dinner and said ‘a really polite alien
    had held the door of the bank open for him.’? You and your Mom said, what are you talking about? and he responded, ‘the alien couldn’t close it’s eyes, or smile but was so considerate’. . . . .That is when we swore off plastic surgery

    • OMG that was so funny. The dangers of being pulled too tight are out there….just looke around . I heard that from a salesperson at Saks in Palm Desert who worked in the makeup department who said she had a client that couldn’t close her eyes all the way! There are cosmetic nightmares out there

  2. Great stuff, Gail,

    I have to say that, yes, Madonna, and quite a few others, have lost control of their faces via cosmetic surgery. In the case of Madonna, as soon as people began expressing, let’s say, less than complimentary things about the way she looked, there came a huge protest blowback along the lines of “how dare you, Madonna has every right to look the way she wants to”, etc.

    Yeah, well, sure, Madonna has every right to look the way she wants, but I have a right to point out that a plastic doll, frozen feature, bulbous lips face is just plain grotesque, kind of nightmare-ish, actually. How did we get to the point where pointing out the obvious is such a social sin?

    • I didn’t hear the criticism of the criticism. Her new look was shockingly obvious and can’t imagine what she was thinking but she’s the one who has to look in the mirror. Oh well.

  3. At 60 I have decided to stop using Botox and not use fillers. Every action has a reaction. Fillers and Botox IMO always leaves one wanting more. A dear friend had an allergic reaction to fillers which was traumatizing. I wear sunscreen year round and a hat when out in the sun. That includes while driving in my car. I started my peels and stopped sitting in the sun at 45. I layer my treatments which I receive every 7/8 weeks. They include medical grade designer cocktail peels, Pelleve treatments for my face and now my neck and a cool down hydrating collegan mask. Products I use currently are Valmont, Skin Medica and Sente.

    • I use a Skin Medica product I love – Lytera! Love it. I have never had Botox as the paralyzing nature of it freaks me out. It sounds like you have a great skin routine which is great. Here in LA I have seen some over the top face lifts and filled lips. Thanks for reading and responding.


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The ideas expressed here are solely the opinions of the author and are not researched or verified by AGEIST LLC, or anyone associated with AGEIST LLC. This material should not be construed as medical advice or recommendation, it is for informational use only. We encourage all readers to discuss with your qualified practitioners the relevance of the application of any of these ideas to your life. The recommendations contained herein are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. You should always consult your physician or other qualified health provider before starting any new treatment or stopping any treatment that has been prescribed for you by your physician or other qualified health provider. Please call your doctor or 911 immediately if you think you may have a medical or psychiatric emergency.

Gail Forresthttp://www.gailforrest.com
Gail Forrest is a comedy writer and stand up comic. She studied at Second City in Chicago and has performed at Pretty Funny Women and Flappers in LA, as well as Second City to name a few. She has a published book Gonepausal on Amazon about women in midlife and is working on a new book which includes men and promises to be just as funny with even more insights on aging.


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