Dear Gail: Is Dating a Zombie Apocalypse?

Is Dating a Zombie Apocalypse?

Dear Gail,
My dating life has become a scary movie. Suddenly, women from my past relationships that I thought were long since in the “grave” are contacting me. While I am modestly curious to see how their lives have turned out, I don’t have the time, inclination or energy to sit and listen to their stories or even my own stories. I can’t even remember why we ended the relationship.

Have you had this experience?  

Sincerely,
Open or Closed Coffin

Dear Open or Closed Coffin:
Welcome to the Zombie apocalypse of dating. Haven’t you heard the latest dating vernacular? You’re being Zombied, baby! No more big vocabulary necessary. Just words reminiscent of “The Night of the Living Dead.” 

Here’s the low down: Zombies are the people who ghosted you. The dates who mysteriously disappeared only to now, presto chango, reappear as if nothing has happened. I hope there are enough therapists to go around. 

Coincidentally I have recently had an entire battalion of Zombies march back into my life.  Step by step, inch by inch, slowly they turn. WHOA, STOP! What’s going on here? I hadn’t heard from a few of them since our one date six years ago and they suddenly want to reconnect? Did they all fall on their heads? I think it’s post COVID singles panic after 1,095 dateless, loveless, sexless days and nights.    

Admittedly, I have Zombied. In those days it was called being desperate. Everyone’s been in that empty in-between space where you’re miserable and alone. It sucks. Digging up an oldie, but not so goodie, seems like a great idea but isn’t. The reason a person didn’t work out the first time is usually the reason they don’t the second.   

Two Lovers Is One Too Many

Dear Gail,
I dated a woman months ago who I liked very much. It fizzled out and I moved on. I’ve now started to date another woman and we are getting close.  

The problem is my first flame wants to try again, and so do I. How do I let down my current dating partner without hurting her and somehow leave the door open should my original flame fizzle again?  

Signed,
Too many candles in Los Angeles

Dear Too Many Candles:
You’re a double dipper which is only a good idea when ordering ice cream. You must be a fan of Rocky Road because you’re on one. Very iffy dating turf as men cannot keep their mouths shut. Yep it’s true. They are blabbers or sexters. If you feel the desire to sext remember Anthony Weiner before you click “send.” And only blab to a Rabbi or Priest because they won’t break up with you. Personally, I’d keep all this on the down low.

Trust me what went wrong with woman #1 months ago will go wrong again. Fizzling rarely bursts back into flames. Woman #2 is obviously not fizzly enough for you either. Sadly I haven’t had even one fizzle in a decade, but two requires the fire department or an exorcism. My head is spinning from all this.

I say get off this rocky road, become a single dip guy and see a therapist before YOU fizzle out.

Need advice? Gail wants to hear from you. Send your letters, questions, and quandaries to: newsletter@weareageist.com