Dear Gail: Is Dating a Zombie Apocalypse?

Comedian Gail Forrest offers advice on what to do about zombie dates — those coming at you and those you're running toward

Is Dating a Zombie Apocalypse?

Dear Gail,
My dating life has become a scary movie. Suddenly, women from my past relationships that I thought were long since in the “grave” are contacting me. While I am modestly curious to see how their lives have turned out, I don’t have the time, inclination or energy to sit and listen to their stories or even my own stories. I can’t even remember why we ended the relationship.

Have you had this experience?  

Open or Closed Coffin

Dear Open or Closed Coffin:
Welcome to the Zombie apocalypse of dating. Haven’t you heard the latest dating vernacular? You’re being Zombied, baby! No more big vocabulary necessary. Just words reminiscent of “The Night of the Living Dead.” 

Here’s the low down: Zombies are the people who ghosted you. The dates who mysteriously disappeared only to now, presto chango, reappear as if nothing has happened. I hope there are enough therapists to go around. 

Coincidentally I have recently had an entire battalion of Zombies march back into my life.  Step by step, inch by inch, slowly they turn. WHOA, STOP! What’s going on here? I hadn’t heard from a few of them since our one date six years ago and they suddenly want to reconnect? Did they all fall on their heads? I think it’s post COVID singles panic after 1,095 dateless, loveless, sexless days and nights.    

Admittedly, I have Zombied. In those days it was called being desperate. Everyone’s been in that empty in-between space where you’re miserable and alone. It sucks. Digging up an oldie, but not so goodie, seems like a great idea but isn’t. The reason a person didn’t work out the first time is usually the reason they don’t the second.   

Two Lovers Is One Too Many

Dear Gail,
I dated a woman months ago who I liked very much. It fizzled out and I moved on. I’ve now started to date another woman and we are getting close.  

The problem is my first flame wants to try again, and so do I. How do I let down my current dating partner without hurting her and somehow leave the door open should my original flame fizzle again?  

Too many candles in Los Angeles

Dear Too Many Candles:
You’re a double dipper which is only a good idea when ordering ice cream. You must be a fan of Rocky Road because you’re on one. Very iffy dating turf as men cannot keep their mouths shut. Yep it’s true. They are blabbers or sexters. If you feel the desire to sext remember Anthony Weiner before you click “send.” And only blab to a Rabbi or Priest because they won’t break up with you. Personally, I’d keep all this on the down low.

Trust me what went wrong with woman #1 months ago will go wrong again. Fizzling rarely bursts back into flames. Woman #2 is obviously not fizzly enough for you either. Sadly I haven’t had even one fizzle in a decade, but two requires the fire department or an exorcism. My head is spinning from all this.

I say get off this rocky road, become a single dip guy and see a therapist before YOU fizzle out.

Need advice? Gail wants to hear from you. Send your letters, questions, and quandaries to: newsletter@weareageist.com

See medical disclaimer below. ↓


  1. SO good Gail! Love your words and yes, what is with these guys. Not good enough for them then? Well bad luck now 🙂


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The ideas expressed here are solely the opinions of the author and are not researched or verified by AGEIST LLC, or anyone associated with AGEIST LLC. This material should not be construed as medical advice or recommendation, it is for informational use only. We encourage all readers to discuss with your qualified practitioners the relevance of the application of any of these ideas to your life. The recommendations contained herein are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. You should always consult your physician or other qualified health provider before starting any new treatment or stopping any treatment that has been prescribed for you by your physician or other qualified health provider. Please call your doctor or 911 immediately if you think you may have a medical or psychiatric emergency.

Gail Forresthttp://www.gailforrest.com
Gail Forrest is a comedy writer and stand up comic. She studied at Second City in Chicago and has performed at Pretty Funny Women and Flappers in LA, as well as Second City to name a few. She has a published book Gonepausal on Amazon about women in midlife and is working on a new book which includes men and promises to be just as funny with even more insights on aging.


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