“Here comes my 19th nervous breakdown”

Have you ever been driven crazy trying to remember yet another username and password combination? You aren't the only one.

I needed a cabana boy with a tropical drink. I needed a Xanax. I was at the top of the steps, considering jumping (there were only two).

I was on the verge of a psycho-technological breakdown…the 21st century replacement to the good old-fashioned nervous breakdown. Wasn’t it easier when family or life events drove you crazy? Instead I pound on the keys of my computer screaming because I have so many codes I can’t remember which goes where. No, I do not have anger issues! I have “user name” and “password” dementia. I have no idea who I am on any given website. Was I animal, vegetable, mineral, or my date of birth backwards the day I joined? “Artichoke” sounded familiar because I’m a vegetarian and like them, but I also like fruit. They both flashed “password error” and I burst into tears. In personal defeat I clicked the loser option, “forgot your password.” Of course I forgot my freaking password, I have approximately 2,000. I’m drowning in names and number combinations all for the sake of internet security. How could someone steal my identity when I can’t even remember my own name?

It was 9:15 am and I was on the verge of destruction. I put my head down on my keyboard and tried to take a deep, calm breath, but I was wheezing and had begun to itch. Who was I? I know I wrote it down…did I use capital letters or all lowercase? Oh no, was this site case sensitive? Whose idea was case sensitive and are they on an airport watch list? I typed in every name I could think of and the website said it wasn’t me. IT’S ME, IT’S ME; who else would it be? Or was it? I ran to the mirror to confirm my existence. I was there but completely confused and seeing double.    

I was having a psycho-techno nervous breakdown. Should I call for help? Is there a hotline for people driven to insanity by their computer? If there is, would I need a username and password? I was out of words and tricky number combinations. Clearly I was also out of my mind. My brain was on overload and about to burst, gray matter everywhere and not a noun in sight. In my delirium I decided to call Bill Gates.

Here at AGEIST, to prevent late night calls to Bill Gates, we have for a few years been using a program called DashLane. They are not one of our partners. So far, Mr. Gate’s sleep has not needed to be disturbed.

Gail Forrest recently started doing standup which she finds is a complete blast. Gonepausal is her blog and she has a book on Amazon by the same name filled with stories of her skewed, funny view on midlife and all its attendant surprises. Humor is the only way forward at this point. 

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The ideas expressed here are solely the opinions of the author and are not researched or verified by AGEIST LLC, or anyone associated with AGEIST LLC. This material should not be construed as medical advice or recommendation, it is for informational use only. We encourage all readers to discuss with your qualified practitioners the relevance of the application of any of these ideas to your life. The recommendations contained herein are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. You should always consult your physician or other qualified health provider before starting any new treatment or stopping any treatment that has been prescribed for you by your physician or other qualified health provider. Please call your doctor or 911 immediately if you think you may have a medical or psychiatric emergency.

Gail Forresthttp://www.gailforrest.com
Gail Forrest is a comedy writer and stand up comic. She studied at Second City in Chicago and has performed at Pretty Funny Women and Flappers in LA, as well as Second City to name a few. She has a published book Gonepausal on Amazon about women in midlife and is working on a new book which includes men and promises to be just as funny with even more insights on aging.


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