Since You Asked: Does Your Adult Child’s Opinion Matter When Dating After Divorce?

Dear Susan,

Here’s my question about dating after divorce: I have been single for ten years and I finally feel ready to be in a new relationship. I met someone online that I really connect with. Personally, I feel like an excited teenager again! However, I have 2 adult children who, after meeting him, expressed that, “We don’t think he’s right for you, Mom.” They don’t have a reason, they just aren’t vibing with him. Should I keep seeing him or trust my kids’ gut instinct?

Dear reader,

Wow, I have so many thoughts on this question. You’ve been flying solo for ten years and finally met someone who makes you feel like a teenager again. You introduced him to your grown kids, and they’re not exactly rolling out the welcome mat. Should you keep seeing Mr. Dreamboat or listen to your kids? Let’s break it down!

You’ve met someone who gives you butterflies and makes you feel alive. That’s gold! Your happiness is essential, and you deserve to enjoy every minute.

Now, your kids? They’re like your personal Secret Service, ready to dive in front of any potential heartbreak but, sometimes, as Mel Robbins says, they can be protective assholes. They love you and want to keep you safe, but they might not have all the info you need.

Here’s a “dating after divorce” checklist that might help.

• Does he make you happy? If he’s your daily ray of sunshine, that’s a good sign. The good news is that you can decide to take this slow and really be aware of how the two of you connect.
• Are you compatible? Are you on the same page, or are you from different universes? I think you really want to be with someone who meets you in the middle.
• Any red flags? Sometimes love is blind, but your kids might have their eyes wide open and you need to as well. Love doesn’t need to be blind; love needs to have 20/20 vision, lol.
• Does he support your independence? You’re a fabulous, strong woman. He should be your biggest fan. If he is the least bit unkind, run, Forrest, run!! 
• A little extra assurance: Here’s where it gets fun. We live in a tech age where you can check if your new boo has a side hustle as an international jewel thief (albeit cool)! Consider doing a Google search & see what you can find.

So, to wrap up, here’s your game plan:

1. Reflect: Meditate, journal, or have a deep chat with yourself. You have all the time in the world. Sometimes it takes years to get to know someone. Take it Slow!!!
2. Communicate: Keep those lines open with your kids. I am sure they want the best for you, but make it known that this is your life and you deserve happiness.
3. Get a second opinion: A trusted friend or even a counselor could be useful to navigate these unfamiliar waters.
4. Prioritize your joy: Your wellbeing is the star of this show. PERIOD.

You’ve got this, my dear reader! Dating after divorce should be fun. Be the captain of your love life. Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. And remember, with today’s tech, you can easily check if you’re dating a dreamboat or a dinghy. A dreamboat or a dinghy — I crack myself up!!!

No one wants to be caught in a Dirty John drama (look this up if you haven’t seen this). Stay fabulous!