Wendi Knox, 71: Soaring After Midlife

Buddhists believe in reincarnation; Christians believe in life after death. But you can be reborn while you’re still living. At any age, you can reinvent yourself, whether out of choice or necessity. Just ask Wendi Knox. After living life as a successful creative director and the only female vice president at one of the largest advertising agencies in Los Angeles, Wendi lost her job at the age of 50. Instead of focusing on the fear and uncertainty of such a situation and the pessimism that stereotypically colors the concept of getting older, Wendi decided to rechannel her creative energy to tell a new kind of story in midlife and beyond.

Aging is a reality we’re taught to dread, to stave off as if it were a monster that’ll come to consume us. The stories we’re told about getting older, especially as women, often make us want to shrink, not soar. But what’s truly so bad about getting older, really? The problem is not aging; it’s our internalized ageism. When we turn inward and start to question the stories we tell ourselves, we’ll often discover they’re warped, misinformed, and/or someone else’s story entirely. Our mind holds the key to our metamorphosis, and when we embrace the process, it’s an act of self-love.

Now, instead of creating award-winning commercials for big-name brands, Wendi is rebranding aging with whimsy and joy, inspired by the magic of nature and her experience. By writing, painting, speaking, creating videos, and doing workshops, her mission is to help other women reframe their self-limiting beliefs around the process of getting older—and she’s setting an example to prove that it’s truly not too late. At the age of 65, Wendi published her first book and had her first solo art show; now, at 71, her newest book is on its way. When so much of who we are and can be is informed by what we see, Wendi feels called to live a life that’s fueled by celebration, not cynicism, and age with joy, expression, creativity, color, humor, boldness, love, intention, and gratitude. The feeling? The result? Pure magic.

How old are you?
I’m seventy-one-derful.

Are you married? Kids?
Yes, I’ve been married (gratefully) to Will, my soulmate, for 39 years. We have a 30-year-old son, Landon, who is an advertising art director. And our fur baby, Blossom, who was rescued from Thailand.

Where are you from originally, and where are you based now?
I’m from Piedmont, California, a small city across the bay from San Francisco. I moved to Los Angeles to attend UCLA and stayed until about ten years ago when we moved to Ojai, a mystical valley between Santa Barbara and Ventura.

Earlier in your career, you were the only female vice president and creative director of one of the largest advertising agencies in LA. What’s one word you’d use to describe this era of your professional life and why?
Intense. It was intensely creative. My partner and I created award-winning commercials for brands like Honda and Acura that were shot by the Academy Award–winning Coen Brothers, featured William Wegman’s famous Weimaraner dogs, and were profiled in The New York Times. It was also intensely stressful. I was like Don Draper in Madmen (but without the cigarettes and martinis). But unlike Don, I was an older woman in a youth-obsessed, male-dominated industry—juggling deadlines, client meetings, traveling for shoots, and being a hands-on mom.

Tell us about that pivotal moment when hundreds of red dragonflies appeared in your backyard after losing your job at 50—and how did that one moment reshape your entire life philosophy?
It was quite shocking to lose a job at the agency that billed itself as “family” for over ten years. They said it was due to cutbacks. But it felt like ageism and sexism to me. Whatever you call it, I was devastated. On one particularly desperate day, I said a prayer and asked the Universe for a sign, asking if I was “too old to reinvent myself.” I went for a walk and came home to find our backyard flooded with hundreds of red dragonflies. Four days in a row. Thanks to Google, I learned that dragonflies spend most of their lives crawling at the bottom of a pond for up to four years. And while down in the muck, they grow their magical wings. (Who knew that dragonflies don’t even start flying until later in life?!!)

As crazy as it sounds, I believe they flew into my life to tell me that it’s never too late to soar. They gave flight to my mission: to uplift and inspire women to rise up from the muck of old, limiting beliefs into the magic of new possibilities as they age. Now, instead of branding cars, I’m working on “rebranding aging.” To reframe it as a process of becoming more of who we are. Not less of what we were.

You coined the term “The Age Cage.” What are the most imprisoning beliefs about aging that you see people, especially women, struggling with today?
When I embarked upon the wild and windy road of reinvention, I found myself imprisoned by all those negative stereotypes, narratives, beliefs, assumptions, and thoughts about aging that exist in our society. And in our heads. That’s what I call “The Age Cage.” It’s comprised of all those old stories about aging that we’ve learned from our families, the media, and our society.

Let’s face it, aging women have gotten a pretty bad rap in our culture. In our fairy tales, they’re the scary, old witches who live in the forest, gobbling up young children. In the films many of us grew up with, they were the lonely old maids, the crazy old cat ladies, and the pathetic old beggars selling apples on the corner. Even now, if you do see the rare older woman depicted on TV, she’s usually frail, senile, or woefully out of touch.

Then, there are those negative words that describe older women. Like hag, which Webster’s Dictionary defines as “an ugly old woman.” But it actually comes from haggia, which is Greek for holy. And crone—which is defined as “a skinny ugly old woman”—is derived from the word crown. Of course, it’s no secret that aging men in our culture are considered “distinguished,” while women are often “diminished.” And how about that demeaning adage that “men age like fine wine and women like milk”? Our culture is so youth-obsessed that 20-year olds are clamoring for Botox. And the rest of us are made to feel like there’s an expiration date on our foreheads.

By internalizing the ageist messages, women often clip their own wings with thoughts of being “too old, too wrinkled, too late, too blah-blah-blah.” Our “inner ageism” can make us feel less than as we age. Less worthy. Less relevant. And less visible. I believe that the more we see and value the gifts of our experience, the more we will be seen and valued by others.

In your Way of the Dragonfly teachings, you talk about spending years in the muck before growing wings. How do you help women reframe their difficult periods as preparation for flight?
“The Way of The Dragonfly” is a nine-step process for transformation that was inspired by my “life coach,” the dragonfly. As I mentioned before, dragonflies spend most of their lives at the bottom of a pond. Unlike humans, they don’t have that annoying inner voice, tormenting them with What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you flying yet? Everyone else is flying. Dragonflies seem to accept their time in the muck as part of the process of growing their wings. We, on the other hand, want to cry a few tears, read a self-help book, and get the heck out of there.

I know since I’ve spent a lot of time down in the muck—not just after losing my job but almost losing someone very precious to me to addiction. And I’ve learned that the only way out of the muck is to go through it. To allow ourselves the time and space to crawl around in the fear, worry, grief, anger, disbelief, and/or sadness (whether it’s about aging or you-name-it). In my workshops, I encourage women not to force themselves to “snap out of it,” but rather to wallow in it. After crying it out, I encourage them to yell it out, kick it out, paint it out, or dance it out. When we give ourselves permission to feel, we start to heal. By giving in to those so-called “weak” feelings, we discover strengths we never knew we had.

What’s the most profound transformation you’ve witnessed in a woman who’s embraced your “dragonfly approach” to aging?
Last year, I gave a “Breaking Out of the Age Cage Workshop” near Austin, Texas. Among other things, we explored our best-case and worst-case scenarios for aging, and a powerful ritual to burn our limited beliefs and grow a new “cage-less”vision. About six months after the workshop, an attendee named Joy reached out to me to say that my workshop had given her the inspiration and courage to act upon her childhood dream of moving to Portugal, where she and her new business are now thriving. Many women have told me they were moved by my work. But this was the first time someone actually moved across the world because of it.

Your signature talk, “Breaking Out of the Age Cage,” resonates with women of all ages, from new moms to grandmas. What universal truths about aging transcend generational boundaries?
I believe that our minds are like computers. Women of all ages—at least in our culture—have been programmed to dread and fear getting older. Just last week, after I spoke at an “Ageless Living” Conference, a beautiful young woman, in her late 30s, told me that she feels like her best years and looks are behind her. We all have that mean, critical voice in our heads that is constantly pointing out our flaws and inadequacies. I call my inner critic Edna. She’s constantly comparing my lines and wrinkles to all those perfectly retouched faces out there.

If I listened to Edna, I’d spend my life savings on anti-aging products and procedures. But I believe the most powerful pro-aging product is our minds. I talk a lot about retraining our minds to focus on the benefits of getting older. Like being happier, for instance. According to research, 80 year olds are generally happier than 30 year olds. But no one talks about that. Or other benefits, like gaining more perspective, clearer priorities, more confidence, more wisdom, more self-love, and more freedom to be your true self.

Having your first book published and first solo art show at 65 is remarkable. How has your creative expression changed over the past five years and since your advertising days?
It was a huge pivot for me to go from working in the pressure-cooker, create-on-demand, corporate culture of a mega-ad agency to the life I am living now. In my past life, I gulped countless cups of coffee during wall-to-wall meetings. I had little room to breathe. These days, I start my day literally breathing outside. My “meetings” take place in our magical garden, sipping jasmine tea and conferring with hummingbirds. (I pinch myself regularly.)

Rather than contorting myself to please unpleasable clients, I answer the call of my heart—writing, painting, and speaking about things that speak to me. It’s a non-linear process—far more intuitive than intellectual. In fact, I would say that I received my first book, From Muck to Magic. It felt channeled from somewhere way beyond my mind. My second book also came intuitively. One day, I was sitting outside asking, “What am I meant to do next?” and I heard the words: The Way of the Dragonfly: Flight Instructions To Transform The Way We Age. (Which was an idea I had five years ago and forgot about.)

Of course, I am profoundly grateful for the stimulating (and lucrative) creative career I had in advertising. Without it, I wouldn’t have the freedom to follow my joy now.

You’ve shared that you care more about how your work makes people feel than getting “likes.” What advice would you have for other creatives who are making art and are looking for an audience to share it with?
In my past life, my work was judged by how many sales it elicited or creative awards it won. Now, I’m more focused on touching hearts, feeding souls, and lifting spirits. There’s nothing more fulfilling to me than the teary-eyed appreciation and laughter shared by women at my workshops, illustrated speaking events, and exhibits. I wish I had some good advice for other creatives. But to be honest, I’m still trying to figure out how to get my work out to a larger audience. For me, an “organic” approach seems to work best. When I try to make something happen, it rarely does. But when I surrender, people somehow find me and my work. When I launch my new book, I hope to find some young social media maven to help me. I’m better at creating the content than knowing how to get it out there.

What’s your view on retirement?
When we decided to move out of Los Angeles to the small town of Ojai, people kept asking, “Oh, are you retiring?” WTF?! I was really annoyed that there was an assumption that I was that old. And that you are “supposed to” retire at a certain age. Then, I realized that was their story. Not mine. I feel like I’m just getting started. So, my reframe is: “No, I’m not retiring. I’m re-firing.”

In your mission to “rebrand aging,” how have you embraced the idea of being more of who you are, not less of what you were?
In a world that celebrates youth and stigmatizes aging, we’ve been conditioned to hide or downplay our age. Well, I’m choosing to age out loud. Aging authentically, without shame or pretense, is a quiet rebellion and a bold act of self-love. (Plus, it inspires younger women who are so in need of pro-aging role models.)

Along those lines, I’m not striving to “age gracefully.” I feel that term is like a cultural corset which holds all women to the same strict standard. (What does “aging gracefully” mean, anyway? That you’re aging, but in a way that’s socially acceptable and not very noticeable?) Instead, my intention is to age gratefully. Joyfully. Expressively. Creatively. Colorfully. Humorously. Boldly. Lovingly. And healthfully. I’m constantly retraining my brain to see the “aging glass” half full. Because I believe: if we can see it, we can be it.

If you could rewrite the cultural story about aging women, what would the new narrative look like?
Centuries ago, when the goddess was worshipped, older women were revered. They were the high priestesses, the wise women, and the medicine women of the tribe. With the rise of the patriarchy, a lie was fabricated—that if a woman was not of child-bearing age, she was worthless. That lie is woven into our youth-worshipping culture today. I envision a new cultural story in which older women are again honored and revered for our wisdom, experience, intuition, heart, and feminine leadership. May we be seen, heard, and celebrated as the magnificent dragonflies that we are.

What are your three life non-negotiables (i.e. the things you can’t live without)?
My family. Creative expression. Following my intuitive guidance.

Editor’s Note: Some answers may have been condensed and/or edited for clarity.

Connect with Wendi: wendi@wendiknox.com

Website / Instagram (@wendiknoxuplifter) / Facebook / YouTube

If you’re interested in Wendi’s upcoming book, The Way of the Dragonfly, she invites you to visit her website to get on the mailing list and/or follow her on Instagram.

Cover image by Brandi Crockett