“You can’t be in a relationship—with a city or a person—if you always have one foot out the door,” says Melinda Blau. This level of commitment, of giving it her all, is a characteristic that defines her approach to life. For some, maintaining this level of rapport with all the people, places, and things they’re confronted with would lead to burnout. But, for Melinda, the opportunity to explore and embrace it all ignites in her an excitement that propels her to uncover the untapped stories around her and to keep moving forward.
As a keen social observer, Melinda lives her life with a proverbial magnifying glass in her hand and an open heart and mind. Ever since she was a child, she’s shown a proclivity for people. From her vantage point on the second-floor landing, where she eavesdropped on the arguments and interactions of her older siblings, to collecting stories from the pool of people she crossed paths with during her collegiate years, her affinity and curiosity for those around her never wavered. This interest in others prompted her to dive into the science of psychology, write for esteemed publications, and find her “beat” as an award-winning journalist—one who became a New York Times bestselling author and just recently authored her 16th book.
From New York to Miami to Paris, Melinda has lived decades of experience. She’s amassed stories from the days of Studio 54, from being a strong woman in a male-dominated industry, and from being confronted with her own whiteness and privilege. Through it all, she has shown a deep thankfulness and positivity, which fuels her persistence to keep showing up as a curious and enthusiastic participant in the world and to now proudly say she’s “the old lady in the room.”

How old are you?
I love that you lead with that. Eighty-one and proud of it!
Where are you from and where do you currently live?
I grew up in Staten Island, New York, relocated to Manhattan (with my parents) as a freshman in college. I lived in Manhattan most of my adult life, during which I also spent 29 years in Northampton, Massachusetts. Today, I live in Manhattan, Paris, and Miami.
Are you married? Kids?
I married twice, first in 1966, to my late husband with whom I had a daughter and son, and, in 2020, to my partner of 31 years and counting. We now have grandchildren, creating a “family apart” (a term introduced in my 1990 book to describe parenting and grandparenting across households).
You’re a NY Times bestselling author. You’ve authored 16 books. What is your writing process like? Where do you draw your inspiration from most often?
My inspiration comes from people—watching how they handle what life throws at them, figuring out how they reached point B from point A. Luckily, I have a dog, so that gets me out every day, meeting new people, starting conversations, asking questions. My “process” is inconsistent, though. I always wanted to be the kind of writer who has a regular ritual (I wake at 7, do my morning exercises, sit down at my desk…), but that’s not who I am. Some days I write for five hours, some days not at all. I gain inspiration from walking around, thinking, observing, chatting. Occasionally, if an idea strikes me, I’ll dictate notes to myself. My writing requires germination and fermentation. I can’t rush the process.
In reflecting on your life thus far, what’s been one of the greatest obstacles you had to overcome?
I tend not to think in terms of obstacles. Life is filled with challenges, and you meet them. If I battled anything in my earlier years, it was judgments about my capabilities based on my being a woman. I plowed ahead anyway. Later in my career, age became an issue. A TV producer praises my performance on a morning show but suggests I “wear a turtleneck next time.” During a recent hospital stay, I had to battle with doctors who made assumptions about my ability to comprehend and self-direct when they read “80-year-old female” on my chart. I have taken these as learning moments. Rather than hide, I confront this kind of ignorance, proudly share my age, and try to raise others’ consciousness. After all, this is the only -ism that eventually affects everyone!

You’ve lived in a lot of places. What was your favorite place to live and why? Conversely, what was your least favorite place to live and why?
Had you asked my least-favorite five years ago, I’d have said, “Paris,” distinguishing myself as perhaps the only American woman who didn’t immediately love the city. I never fully embraced or committed to it. But when the pandemic forced me to stay put instead of rushing back to the U.S. every few weeks—as I’d done over the first ten years—a lightbulb went off: You can’t be in a relationship—with a city or a person—if you always have one foot out the door. So please don’t ask me to pick a favorite. Cities, like people, are unique. Why compare? I like each of the places I live in for different reasons: the food and theater in New York, the expat community and beauty of Paris, the weather and water in Miami.
You’re an award-winning journalist. What led you to pursue a career in journalism?
I always loved to write, but I didn’t set out to be a journalist. I earned a degree in education, but after college, I went into educational publishing instead of becoming a teacher. I edited texts and teaching guides for many years and then decided I wanted to be a journalist. I wrote my first piece for New York magazine in 1978, thanks to a wise and patient editor, the legendary T. George Harris. Journalism allowed me to be a fly on the wall. I’d dive into a problem or a social issue and figure out how to best deal with it. And then move onto the next. It satisfies my gerbil brain!
Starting your career in the print era and now working in a digital era, how do you feel about the evolution of journalism?
The thing I miss about the old days is the camaraderie—hanging out at New York magazine with my editor as a piece was being “put to bed.” Today, I do most of my work with editors online. Traditional journalism—unbiased reporters telling a story—began to change during the print era. “New journalism,” as some called it in the 1970s, brought the writer into the story, not just as an invisible, unbiased observer, but as a character. Looking back 50 years, it’s easy to connect the dots. The Internet allows everyone a voice, regardless of talent or intent. I’m not sure that’s better, especially with the advent of AI and the potential to manipulate words and images. But that genie is not going back in the bottle!
You’ve described your “beat” and your life as being all about relationships. Was there a distinct moment, person, or experience in your early life that you feel shaped this interest in being the “social observer” you are?
Being the “baby” in my family—my teenage siblings were 11 and nine years older—I eavesdropped from the second-floor landing. I was desperate to understand their arguments and interactions. In college, I widened my interview pool. As one of my roommates remembers it: “You never slept.” I’d go from person to person, collecting stories and experiences. Later, I dove into social science research for guidance and further insight into behavior.
How do you feel your background in journalism has informed how you move about the world?
Everything—and everyone—is a potential story. I can’t help myself. I want to know how others think and feel. I want to know about the people they’ve met as they have moved through life and what has motivated and changed them.

Which of your books was the most challenging to write and why?
In 1990, I wrote the autobiography of civil rights icon Myrlie Evers-Williams, widow of Medgar Evers. Even though she chose me out of several candidates, we were very different. I grew up white and privileged, a New Yorker. She was Black and poor, grew up in rural Mississippi, and spent a lifetime looking over her shoulder. We saw things differently. For example, discussing her mental state, I—by then steeped in psychology—suggested that her depression might have been “anger turned inward,” to which she replied, “Or it could be that I stood there with my children as my husband was gunned down in cold blood.” I learned from that experience not to make assumptions.
Your most recent book is titled The Wisdom Whisperers: Golden Guides to a Long Life of Grit, Grace, and Laughter. How does this book fit into and/or differentiate itself from the rest of your oeuvre?
My new book, like almost everything I write, is about relationships. Like my other books, The Wisdom Whisperers is informed by years of research, but it is, at its core, a more personal journey and a specific focus on May/December relationships. When I was only 46, in a fiction-writing class at the New School, I befriended a legally blind 78-year-old woman who walked with a cane. I had no interest then in older friends, but I was worried about losing my own vision. I saw in her qualities I hoped to hone. She was strong and courageous, taking courses and working on a literary journal. In the next few years, as I made other such acquaintances, I realized that I had stumbled on a counterintuitive key to a good life: cultivating relationships with much older friends.

Having written a lot about age and ageism, particularly for Medium, what’s one word you associate with aging and why?
Challenge. As “they” say, aging isn’t for sissies, even if you happen to live in a culture that reveres its elders. Age brings physical, mental, and emotional change—a process that starts at birth. But as years mount, change takes on a different meaning and can become worrisome. Watching my friends live into their 90s and 100s, I learned you must accept what’s happening now, be curious and open to new experiences, and keep moving forward.
Based on your experience, what’s been one of the greatest surprises and/or delights of aging?
I’m surprised at how comforting it is to have a long-term perspective on life. I have dealt with disappointment, with death and divorce, and by now I have a track record that serves me well. An even bigger surprise is how good it feels to be old and admired. As I was developing bonds with the nine women in my book, I began to think of them—much to my peers’ dismay—as “my old ladies.” Friends said, “You can’t call them that,” but I mean it as a compliment. My old ladies are admirable. Just as important, they were scouts reporting back from a “front” I would someday reach. Now, I call myself an old lady, and I have younger friends who want to be like me. What an exhilarating feeling to be admired for aging “well.”
What has been the most defining relationship of your life thus far and why?
I’m not trying to dodge this question, but each of my relationships is unique, a container of sorts that holds our past and our personalities. All my relationships have defined me, including ones that ended badly. The fact is, each new person you let into your life—lovers, bosses, children, a gym buddy—will change you in small and grand ways. Each one is part of what psychologist Toni Antonucci calls your “social convoy.” Some make the journey with you for long distances, perhaps even the whole way, while others “ride” with you for a while and take an off-ramp, disappearing for a time—or forever. But all are part of you. Sometimes you appreciate and understand their impact only by looking in the rearview mirror.

Rumor has it that you danced at Studio 54. What was that like?
I graduated from college just as the disco scene was launching in New York City. I went to the early clubs—L’Intredit and Arthur—in my 20s. Studio 54 happened a decade later and was built on (and bettered) all that came before. It combined the glamor and celebrity of the early clubs with a huge dance space, like the gay clubs in downtown lofts (which I also frequented). In its short-lived “day,” Studio was the scene—as glamorous and druggy as it is often portrayed. I sat with Liza Minelli and Peter Allen one night, rubbing shoulders with Bianca Jagger another. In retrospect, the most important takeaway of my Studio 54 story is why I effortlessly got past those velvet ropes. I went to Syracuse University as an undergrad with Steve Rubell who told me one night as we looked down at the dancers from the balcony, “You were always nice to me, even when I wasn’t famous.” Lesson learned: Build bridges instead of burning them.
What does a typical day look like for you?
As a writer, I need people and stories, but I also need time alone to replenish. So while I spend anywhere from an hour to five in front of my computer, I also make lunch dates to get me out and about. My day always starts with a dog walk. In Paris, I have an enviable situation as I live half a block from Champ de Mars, the beautiful dog-friendly park that is home to the Eiffel Tower. Almost every day, I cross paths with another dog owner. If I don’t see a familiar face, I start a conversation with a stranger. It’s my social infusion for the day.
What are your three life non-negotiables?
Positivity, people, and persistence. I don’t know what life plans to throw at me, but I do have a choice about how I’ll react. For example, when a mosquito bit me and I ended up in the hospital for eight days with West Nile virus, unable to lift my left leg, I had my centenarian friend Zelda on my shoulder, urging me to “look for the good,” as she put it—to find the unexpected benefit or lesson(s) to be learned. (It only affected one leg!) I also turned to friends and acquaintances for perspective and resources. They helped me see a tough situation in a new light. Persistence kept me moving forward, no matter what. When I was growing up, my mother often said, “There’s no such word as can’t.” I brought that ethic into my professional and personal life. I never give up. My motto is, “If you don’t ask, you don’t get.”
Editor’s Note: Some answers may have been condensed and edited for clarity.
Connect With Melinda Blau:
Website & Blog / Medium / Amazon: The Wisdom Whisperers: Golden Guides to a Long Life of Grit, Grace, and Laughter
Headshot photographed by Susan Kravitz.
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Thank you for this write-up. Great interview questions. Really made me take a step back ihn time!
What a beautiful and full life you have created that doesn’t seem to be slowing down anytime soon! You are certainly an inspiration! I can’t wait to get your latest book! By the way you look wonderful! I admire someone who takes good care of themselves because life is truly fuller in every way when you do! Plus, your positive attitude is a must! Thank you!