“Pro Age” is all the rage. I have no idea what “pro age” means but the words are repeated in women’s magazines, FB sites, Instagram, and Twitter. I am still confused as it remains ambiguous. There is no clear definition even in a Google search. Is it embracing age or not? Do I happily want to get older? The pro age people appear to want me to find joy in aging.
No. I am “anti-age.” There is no “pro” in my definition. There were only four times in my life I was pro age.
- When I was fifteen and desperate to be sixteen so I could get my driver’s license.
- When I turned twenty one and could drink legally and ditch the fake ID.
- When I turned sixty five — bring on new hips, knees, and rotator cuff surgery. I have Medicare!
- When I turned forty and had incredible mind blowing sex for ten years!
I’m from a gene pool that never divulged their age or wanted to age. My Mother had three driver’s licenses all with different dates of birth. Her age was a secret; a veritable trivial pursuit question with no right answer. Age was a floating enigmatic number. I never ever reveal my age as I took a genetic vow of silence. Mom lied about my age just like her mother lied about hers. Shhhhhh. Ironically years ago my boyfriend needed my date of birth to buy me a plane ticket and I told him. Now he mutters it like a mantra. First class was nice but not worth breaking my silence.
I applaud the women going gray which is very pro age but not for me. I think it’s brave and defiant in this culture obsessed with beauty but my grays have to go the minute they arrive. I remember how my sister and I coerced my Mother to dye her hair. We made her watch those old Clairol commercials about husbands not wanting to dance with their wives because of their gray hair. “See Mom see, you need to dye your hair,” we pleaded, even though my dad didn’t dance. Ironically the minute I got a few gray strands she insisted I get my hair colored. Black hair became her signature and she defied age until her last breath at 102.
Despite the Pro Age rage all I see are men and women trying to look younger. Youth is available regardless of age. Hate your wrinkled forehead and don’t want to grow bangs? Botox is just a shot away. Those nasolabial folds making you look like a marionette? Fillers baby! I love, love, love my fillers. A bit ouchy but bring them on. Want a jaw line like Jane Fonda? Me too. She needs to divulge her surgeon’s name. Hate your turkey neck? Neck jobs are here and just a google search away. A lower face lift gives you a neck and jaw line all in one; the daily double! I just read about a 200k face lift in the New York Times. I think a surgeon must have removed her face for all the work they did to restore youth. Don’t despair the expense, my friend Linda’s was 15k and she looks fabulous. The newest rage is the Brazilian Butt Lift but, oy and painful. That one stumps me. Pouches under your eyes making you look droopy and sad? They are easy peasy to lift and shave years off. I have a friend all set for one at the end of the month. She’s older than I am and excited to kiss the bags goodbye. Pro age my ass baby. In 2020, 16.7 billion dollars was spent on cosmetic surgery in the U.S. In its entirety the cosmetic market was valued at 62. 46 billion. That’s a lot of anti-age money and I contributed to it.
COVID gave women a reprieve from beauty and youth as we didn’t give a shit for two years. I lived in sweat pants and my beauty project every day was brushing my teeth. The few times I dared to look in the mirror I broke out in a rash on my stomach and almost lost consciousness. My hair looked like birds had made a home in it, my skin fossilized and my wrinkles multiplied. I aged 10 years in two. I needed filler, color, and a blow dry! I was however, digging the sweat pants – comfy with an expandable waist so I could eat more Hostess Cupcakes. In totality I was Archie Bunker. I vowed to stop looking in the mirror until I could venture out and get color, filler, and find a blo dry bar. 2022, and I’m back!
Men are not pro age either. How many of them are looking forward to erectile dysfunction? Can’t wait to age and have a limp dick? I don’t think so. Big Pharma however, gave them a stay of execution. It’s like a face lift for their penis. Men have also now entered the beauty market in a big way. They spent 11.6 billion on skin care in 2019. Male cosmetic surgery is burgeoning: eye lifts, tummy tucks, face lifts, neck lifts, pec implants, and butt implants. The gyms are loaded with old guys lifting, pedaling, squatting, swimming, and preening in front of the mirrors, trying to rid themselves of middle age bulge and the old dumpy guy look. Good work, keep it up …
Pro Age is the wrong wording in my opinion. I’m going to take my time and fight aging to the finish line. And moisturize.