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Dear Gail: Realizing You’re a Dinosaur When You Thought You Were Hip

Is there a cure for unhipness? Or for chronic napping? Comedian Gail Forrest solves these problems with a few choice words.

Wake the F**K Up!

Dear Gail:
My husband naps all day and evening… he even closes his eyes and dozes off 2 seconds after we are done talking… what should I do?
Amy

Dear Amy:
I think that is a big problem as men get older; napping becomes a way of life. And I gotta hand it to the opposite sex: they are damn good at it. My sleep routine is a martini, melatonin, NyQuil smoothie and I’m still awake. I saw a man fall asleep at 3:00 in the afternoon sitting up drinking a double espresso at Starbucks. Now that’s talent.

I personally think the solution to your problem is to take up a musical instrument, like the Trumpet or French Horn. This will take hours of daily practice. If he’s still napping while you’re playing check his pulse or call 911.
Gail

It’s Hard to Realize You’re a Dinosaur When You Thought You Were Hip

Dear Gail:
Help me out here. I’m a 55-year-old man with a 17-year-old son, and I have fear of appearing unhip to him. I try to keep up with the music and the celebrities and TikTok, which truthfully gives me a migraine and is causing deafness in my right ear. I think I used to be hip or then it was called “cool.” I’m even vernacular deficient. The other day, my son said to me, “Dad, please don’t talk when my friends are around, it’s embarrassing. Or just pretend you don’t know me. Ok?” I feel like an old dinosaur roaming the earth.
Hopelessly Unhip In Harrisburg 

Dear Mr. Dinosaur:
I really don’t know how to break this to you but at 55 you are definitely not hip. Hipness passed you by decades ago and the closest you will now come to hip is a broken one.

Trust me there is no social media platform worth deafness in your right ear or a migraine. I’m a social media loser also. It is a freaking job to be “liked” by millions of strangers 24/7 and not worth the lack of sleep or nervous rash. As for keeping up with celebrities it’s impossible and I think causes dementia. I had to face the fact that the only people I knew in “People Magazine” were the ones that died that week. 

When your son’s friends are around your only job is to make sure they are not doing or overdosing on drugs. You don’t have to be a hip dad at this point just a diligent one.

There are a lot of Dinosaurs roaming the earth right now. Join the herd.
Gail

Need advice? Gail wants to hear from you. Send your letters, questions, and quandaries to: newsletter@weareageist.com

10 COMMENTS

  1. Great stuff, and great point re dads needing to forget about hipness and who should just be concerned with diligence. Also, I’m comforted with the idea of being part of a dino “herd” even if I know the Big Asteroid is coming. Count me in! 🦕

    Must admit – I’m a guy and I have had horrendous sleep probs, particularly since I crested age 55. Yeah, I do nap a lot, or try to anyway, because I seem to get so little sleep at night. Maybe insomnia not so much a male thing, but …. a writer thing?

  2. I seldom commit to any digital “sign up” like this….when I just read your responses Gail, I almost broke a finger inputting my email address to enjoy your future comments! Thanks for sharing your skills with the people!

    • Wow and thank you for those words. They are the kind that make a day better I must say. There are many more pieces of advice to come with their attendant great letters. All from real people so you don’t think I make up both sides…..way too much work!

  3. I’m about to turn 50 and I’m going through some mid life “stuff”. This is all so pertinent and I’m learning so much. I will keep my mouth shut next time my sons friends come over. Zip it. Best way to be cool is to just zip it. Thanks for the good read !!

  4. Thanks for reading and I think it’s true just stay away and quiet around your children and their friends unless they specifically include you or ask for advice. Like I said keep and eye on their drug and internet habits … other than that read a book or watch a movie. It’s hard not to be one of them !

  5. It took me a minute to realize this is a humor article and not a health article. I enjoyed the read and laughter. Be yourself and not a poser. Be a parent and not your children’s friend.

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Gail Forresthttp://www.gailforrest.com
Gail Forrest is a comedy writer and stand up comic. She studied at Second City in Chicago and has performed at Pretty Funny Women and Flappers in LA, as well as Second City to name a few. She has a published book Gonepausal on Amazon about women in midlife and is working on a new book which includes men and promises to be just as funny with even more insights on aging.

 

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