Martha Stewart, the Newest Barbie Doll
You probably knew this question was inevitable but is that really Martha Stewart on the cover of SI? She can’t possibly look like that at 81. What’s up with her? I’m 58 and I definitely like the idea of looking better, what older person doesn’t? But is there a line in the sand? Whereas some of the surgical results I’ve seen make a person’s face less droopy and wrinkle free, don’t you think some people look worse?
Can you go too far to cling to youth?
Sally in Seattle
Yes, I definitely think you can go too far in clinging to youth. And no, I don’t think that is the real Martha Stewart on the cover of SI. I like to think it’s Mattel’s new Martha Stewart Barbie Doll for the 75+ male market. I read Martha is denying any surgical alterations to her face and that her decades-younger look is due to her skin care routine… blah blah blah. Ask Cher who looks almost ageless; it takes years of needles, face lifts and paralytic agents to turn back THAT much time. And also a really talented photoshop tech on your payroll.
I shrieked seeing the new face of Kristin Davis. The beatific Charlotte from Sex and the City is gone, and now looking very Twilight Zone. And I will never forget the first peek at Meg Ryan when she morphed from America’s cutest girl to “WTF” and why? Also remembering back to Jocelyn Wildenstein, the wife of a billionaire art dealer, who was literally on a cosmetic quest to resemble a cat. She definitely succeeded but looks more like an abandoned stray than exotic feline. “Meow!”
In LA I’ve seen women with lips filled to exploding, breasts on the verge of bursting, and butt implants that take up the entire sidewalk.
There is a cosmetic tipping point!
Are Diamonds Returnable or for Keeps?
I am engaged to a lovely girl, Vicki. Actually, I am engaged to two people, Vicki and her father. She adores him, and I can’t escape her “fatherisms.” When I park the car she says, very specifically, her father always said to turn the wheel into the curb. When I hang a picture her father always says, emphatically, to put a piece of tape in the wall before pounding in the nail. There’s no end to the “isms.”
What can I do to salvage my sanity and relationship?
Hanging my head,
Dear Hanging My Head:
Neil, you have a Daddy’s girl. Oy! And there’s not much to do or say that she won’t take as a personal attack on him. Remember the show “Father Knows Best”? That’s your future. I hope the ring is returnable. Dad is her super action hero or so she believes. Although parking a car and hanging a picture is debatable as hero criteria. I hope he didn’t clean gutters because that could be certain death if you have a pitched roof.
Vicki is on a quest to find a Daddy duplicate. Ouch, babe. Are you that guy? Do you want to be that guy? Fixing the toilet incorrectly is a hard cross to bear. I think there is only one way to jiggle the handle when it’s running but you will find out. Another “ism” could be headed in your direction.
I can’t say I feel your pain but I can say Vicki sounds like trouble because being fluent in “Fatherism” isn’t a romance language to me.
Neil, curb your wheels and return the ring.
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