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Dear Gail: Born to Be Wild

In search of adventure through a motorcycle or a hot, young thing? Comedian Gail Forrest offers her wisdom to guide the way

Born to Be Wild

Dear Gail,
I must confess: I’ve always loved the idea of owning a motorcycle, but I’ve never really worked up the nerve to actually buy one, get the license, and go vrooming around the hills. Little too risky, you know. Well, now that I’m a widower with grown kids, I’ve decided I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna get the damn Harley and ride it. Trouble is, my children, both in their mid-30s, are insisting that I don’t. “You’ll go straight through a billboard, Dad!” 

So what do I tell them? In a way, what they say makes sense. Should I ignore them or play it safe?

Best,
Matt S 

Dear Matt:
So you’re ready to make your lifelong Peter Fonda, Easy Rider fantasy come true? Or do you see yourself channeling Steve McQueen, who was the coolest man ever? And then there’s Bruce Springsteen who is a total hottie. Any of those smokin’ choices would be welcome in my motorcycle dreams.

Your question is tricky, however, as it’s a sexy, exciting idea but it might also be too late and risky depending on your vision, reflexes, bone density and insurance coverage. If you can stay clear of billboards, cars, and trees, you might pull off this lifelong dream.

When I go out on my bike I am scared shitless. Every time I see a car I realize I am like a bug that will just go squish on the road if they hit me. It doesn’t stop me from the fun of biking, but I do a lot of “praying” and yelling at drivers who don’t look both ways.

Matt:
“Get your motor runnin’

Head out on the highway

Looking for adventure

In whatever comes your way

You were born, born to be wild
Gail

What Cher and Mick Jagger Have in Common

Dear Gail,
I was big fan of Sex and the City and fell in love with Samantha’s boyfriend/lover Smith.  I am a sixty-six-year-old accomplished artist and widow who is out once again in the dating world. Are there any Smiths left for me? He was hot, fun and kind. Can I find a guy like that or is it too late at my age?
Laura

Dear Laura:
What a coincidence — I was asking myself the same Smith question last week. I was a big Sex and the City fan also. He was scrumptious with that hot body and head of thick blond hair. He even looked gorgeous when he shaved it off for Samantha. That sealed the deal for me.

As for finding an age appropriate facsimile, I haven’t had any luck. But hold on a sec…to hell with age appropriate. No one blinks when a man marries/dates a woman half his age. It’s a big ho hum. Cher is engaged to a guy forty-five years younger. A stretch, but a nod to Mick Jagger who is 79 with a six-year-old.

I don’t know if you’ll find a duplicate Smith but widen your search. Start up a conversation with the hottie in line at Starbucks, or a cutie at Whole Foods who needs help picking a cantaloupe. There’s always conversation to be found in the produce department.

I think I’ll take my own advice! I know a ripe cantaloupe when I see one.
Gail

Need advice? Gail wants to hear from you. Send your letters, questions, and quandaries to: newsletter@weareageist.com

See medical disclaimer below. ↓

6 COMMENTS

  1. Hi Gail As a motorcycle rider for many years Id say go for it but be careful. Start with classes and minimize exposure to traffic, avoid riding at night as possible. My serious accidents( and many friends) were with bicycles. Enjoy you life!

    • I agree bad accidents can happen out just casually biking around, you don’t have to be a Tour de France type rider. Cars are the enemy as are other cyclists and kids out there texting, talking on their cell phone and biking.

  2. Gail, great stuff as usual.

    I certainly respect your advice to Matt as well as Matt’s pluck, but truth is, some of us are Born To Be Mild. I’m up there in age, but that hasn’t changed my attitude toward physical risk-taking, which can be summed up as “I don’t mind getting wounded/killed for a good reason, but the thrill of a mere adrenaline rush is not one of them”. That’s just me.

    Also, I can remember when Marlon Brando was indisputably the coolest guy in the world, in his pre-blimp days of course.

    • Born to be mild is not a bad thing. I was born to be anxious with a mix of wild, but the wild has faded and the anxious boldy remains. Although when you factor in we are, in the “foothills of old age” according to the late Leonard Cohen maybe we should just say WTF! I stopped jumpng horses a few years ago after 40 + years … mistake?

  3. Gail, if you had an intuition that you should quit horse jumping when you did …. that could have meant you avoided accident…. and that you wouldn’t be doing what you do now if you had not quit …. so, no, I don’t think it was a mistake.

    Trying to look on the cheery side.

  4. Well I am funny but not usually cheery so thanks for the words. I’ve had more than one horse accident and survived to jump and show again but the stakes get higher as you age.

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The ideas expressed here are solely the opinions of the author and are not researched or verified by AGEIST LLC, or anyone associated with AGEIST LLC. This material should not be construed as medical advice or recommendation, it is for informational use only. We encourage all readers to discuss with your qualified practitioners the relevance of the application of any of these ideas to your life. The recommendations contained herein are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. You should always consult your physician or other qualified health provider before starting any new treatment or stopping any treatment that has been prescribed for you by your physician or other qualified health provider. Please call your doctor or 911 immediately if you think you may have a medical or psychiatric emergency.

Gail Forresthttp://www.gailforrest.com
Gail Forrest is a comedy writer and stand up comic. She studied at Second City in Chicago and has performed at Pretty Funny Women and Flappers in LA, as well as Second City to name a few. She has a published book Gonepausal on Amazon about women in midlife and is working on a new book which includes men and promises to be just as funny with even more insights on aging.

 

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