During the holidays, despite all the festivity and beauty, we may feel less than satisfied with the level of connection we are experiencing with the family and friends around us. This is often just us focusing too much on ourselves. The good news is there is an easy fix: be useful. The more we think about others and how we can be helpful, the less we are focusing on ourselves. When I would go home for the holidays, I frequently experienced a sense of frustration with my family for not understanding who I was and what I wanted from life. This was true; they never really got who I was, and I needed to accept that. I also learned that by being helpful to them and contributing to the holiday efforts, my feelings around the situation pivoted 180 degrees, to feeling a part of rather than apart from them, even if their understanding of me was unchanged. Superpower unlocked.
Not everyone’s family is like mine was, and sometimes the lack of understanding we feel can be of another order of magnitude and be quite harmful. But if you find yourself around friends that you feel you may have outgrown or parents or kids who still want you to be more like them, try to not judge them harshly; rather, accept that not everyone is like you, which is just fine. See where you can contribute, where you can pitch in. Even better: See where you can work together and help build a sense of shared purpose. If you don’t have the opportunity at home, take some time to volunteer, helping others less fortunate.
One of the keys to a happy life is to understand that the time we have here is not all about us; it is more about how we can be useful to others. If the holidays are challenging, see where there are ways you can be helpful. Maybe deliver a meal to someone without family, maybe reach out to an old friend who could use a pick me up, maybe be the one who does an amazing job cleaning the kitchen. The holidays are a time when we can show ourselves a version of our best selves that we can be proud of for the entire year.
Onward and upward,
David
