Did you know that some 15th-century women would pluck their eyebrows and the front of the hairline to exaggerate the look of their forehead? It was a thing. We humans have a long history of body modification to fit whatever the desired look of the moment may be. At AGEIST, the question that we often find ourselves being asked is “What is the right level of maintenance?” It is a thorny question, one that is really asking: What is right for me to feel good in the culture I am in? The discussion can quickly morph into throwing shade on the extremes (at least whatever we consider extreme). I am sure there are cultures out there that would find getting a haircut extreme or wearing anything other than a grey sack to be a crime against nature, just as some may judge Donatella or Madonna as being wildly extreme.
I remember being in a cafe recently as a group of five girls walked in, all of whom had matching, obviously shot-up lips. My initial (admittedly judgemental) reaction was to be appalled, reveling in my superior aesthetic. For them, and the crew they run with, this look may have been not odd at all; in fact, not having balloon lips may have been seen as weird. What we want to express to the world gets especially knotty when mixed with age. I had Invisalign done at age 63, and I love it; I also get Botox every six months and rather like that. Self-tanner goes on before being on camera, as I just look better. This, however, is my view of better, and I am a guy, which simplifies things considerably. Carve out eternally young Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise, and, in general, men have an easier time of dealing with the aesthetics of age. For women, it is a whole other thing. To have work done? To color their hair? Pamela Anderson has stopped wearing makeup (should I?). Do too much and you get shamed; do too little, and you get another version of shaming.
What one does or does not do is not a moral decision—it is a personal, aesthetic decision involving how much time, effort, and resources one has and one wants to put into what will make one most comfortable. Understand that no amount of whatever will make us younger, although some of us may enjoy looking younger. Saying “I don’t care” is a choice—and completely valid. Although, I don’t believe for a second that not caring part (have anyone put on fuchsia lipstick and a bright pink jumpsuit, and just see what happens). We all care how others react to us. We are wired to perceive that microsecond transmission of approval or not: the ancient friend or foe discerner. We often don’t know how those we are judging feel or what their culture is like, so let’s wish them all well with the choices they make. We have more important matters to focus on.
Onward and upward,
David
