Bring the person you are and be the best version of that person you can be. It’s hard to compete with your former self, and not fair to either the person you were or the person you are today. We change with time; all living things change with time. We most likely behaved in a somewhat less-wise way back then, and probably made some mistakes that didn’t serve us well in the long run. It’s part of the process of growing up, and regretting these indiscretions may cause us to needlessly dwell on the past. In the same way, we most likely had more physical mojo at 20 than we do at 60; not always, but mostly this is true. In this case, looking back and saying to oneself, “But I was so much better then” is also not that useful if it brings one to look upon where we are today with a disparaging eye.
The person we are today is what matters; this is what we can work with, which is pretty great as the alternative is not to be here at all. Actually, I wish there were another word other than ‘work’ for this, as what if the process we are in today is in reality fun, easy, and enjoyable? What if it is like the word ‘aging,’ which this week’s profile Marianne says should be replaced with a new verb, to breathing or something similar? Could it be that, with our built-in human negativity bias thrown in with some Western guilt and self-shaming, we have it all wrong? The person we are today is incredible, and the adventure of helping that person become even more amazing may be quite incredible.
Remember the U-curve of happiness. It starts out high in our early lives, bottoms out around 45 or 50, then swoops up again into very advanced age. The happiest people tend to be the ones at the far end who one would think, with all their physical challenges, would not be. The people in their 90s whom I have known are not looking back with disappointment and regret at what they have become; no way. They are thrilled to be here and to be the people they are today. Gratitude for the process of life itself goes a long way. I am not encouraging anyone to just sit around and accept aging as some grim reality; we have tremendous agency over how we age based on what we do, what we eat, how we sleep, and who we are connected with — all of which are best when we are in the present with who we are today, not dwelling on who we were.
Onward and upward,
David
