Are you living as you, or as you are pretending to be? We all know stress is corrosive to our health, and because of that, we tend to focus our attention on outward stresses. It’s my job, it’s my family, it’s my living situation. These are very real, but I suggest that the biggest stress is an inward one: living in conflict between our true identity and the way we are living.
Your primary relationship in life is with yourself, and to live well, you have to be okay with that relationship. To be the opposite, to live not as your true self but as a projection, means that everything you do is built on sand, and life becomes an endlessly stressful challenge of keeping it all together without letting anyone, including yourself, see who you really are. (Now that is some serious full-time capital S stress.) As Diane von Furstenberg wrote: “The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.”
It takes a lot of energy to cohabitate with an identity that is not yours. Sure, we all have imposter syndrome, that feeling when you doubt your accomplishments and abilities, living in fear of being exposed as a fraud.
That is different; this is about living in opposition to your core beliefs. For example, hanging out with people you call your “friend group,” but they’re people who bring you down. Are the people you surround yourself with helping you become a better version of yourself, or holding you back? It often takes decades to figure this stuff out, but when you do, you need to make it happen, move toward alignment. Do not delay.
This is an invitation to become the most alive version of yourself. Have you noticed those people around you who seem to be vividly alive? What is it about them? Perhaps they are living in the full freedom of being themselves. My own experience of this is that it takes time, and it takes being open to learning about yourself. The carrot is an unbelievably great life; the stick is a life of never being the person you knew you could be. Listen, learn, take action, and repeat. Once you tune into this idea, the lessons, teachers, and books will be obvious to you. Use them. Embrace your aliveness. It’s awesome.
Onward and upward,
David Stewart
