Who is responsible? We had a lot of help to get where we are today—teachers, mentors, friends, and associates have all cheered us on. The success we have had is really a shared success, one that we contributed to but are not singularly responsible for. On the failure side of things, there are an enormous amount of outside factors we have no control over, which can cause bad things to happen. We may have some made moves, but there is more at play here than just us.
The ancients seemed to have had a much saner handle on these things—it was the gods’ doing or the moon or some other unknowable, uncontrollable force. Thus, the good stuff and the bad stuff were not entirely due to us. So let’s take it easy on what we perceive as failures and also ramp down the celebrations of our achievements. At the end of the day, I suspect we will rank both as being pretty close in the spectrum of our lives. We are where we are due to a combination of things we did, things that others did, and a whole lot of luck. This modern myth of the self-made person is just self-centered mythology.
Some good advice that I’ve learned is to be easy to help. That is, when someone offers good sane help, I take it and say thank you. This one has taken a few decades to get through to me, as a lot of my early life advice was not really in my best interest. One of the great challenges I see that singularly successful people have is that they have such self-confidence in a certain arena that they can find it very difficult to accept being helped in another one—an effect that is magnified if the person has some level of fame on top of it. Humility is key to learning, and just because we all have considerable experience doesn’t mean that it is a good idea to close off new information. The beginner’s mind at any age is helpful. And when the advice leads to some achievement on our part, let’s remember those who helped us, who believed in us, and share the joy with them.
Onward and upward,
David
