I spent the better part of my 49th year in a hospital with a rare autoimmune disorder, which has since gone into remission. During that time, I learned a few things. First, how to deal with hospitals and their industrial-style treatment of patients. Hint: we have agency, and just because they want you to do something like sit quietly for an hour alone in a closed room, you don’t have to. This stuff is all about their convenience, not yours. The second thing I learned was that severe illness scares people.
There were a total of 8 people who visited me during my many days of being in the hospital. I know a lot more than eight people that I would count as friends, many of whom I asked to visit me. Most suddenly found work or other reasons to decline. I don’t hold anything against any of them, as I get it: sick people are scary in a primitive, tribal sort of way. My disorder was not contagious, but it didn’t make it any less scary. Those eight people who did visit me, however, will be remembered for life as the ones who showed up when it counted.
Mine is not the only story like this. We know of several people with cancer or other big, bad, scary issues who found a number of their friends disappeared on them. We are all at an age when the chance of someone we know having a serious medical problem is increasing; thus is the nature of life. As someone who has been on the patient side of this, I urge everyone to show up when asked. If your friends are too shy to ask, then ask for them. Sick and perhaps dying people can be tough to be around, but buck up and show up. This is a time when we are really needed. It may be uncomfortable, but so are many of the most important moments in life.
Onward and upward,
David
