To state the obvious, we are all unique. Our kaleidoscope of circumstance becomes ever more varied as we age. What may be a dream for me, may be a nightmare for someone else. Time, and the life experiences that come with it, has a way of wildly spreading the spectrum of situation and ambition. Common platitudes of “just do it,” no shade on Nike here, need to be taken with respect to the person we are today. Many people are having a hard time — in our age group, depression is on the rise, loneliness is epidemic, drug overdoses are up. I have been in difficult emotional positions in the past and am also familiar with the mentally paralyzing effects of dealing with chronic illness. These are not trivial matters and, when in these states, we need to be gentle with ourselves. When we see others struggling, kindness and understanding are our North Stars. For someone, saying hello to a stranger may be a high bar; for others, the bar may be a whole other level.
Many of us may indeed live a very long, surprisingly healthy life, but not all of us. Often, this has to do with chance and luck and may have almost nothing to do with anything we have done. The doom loop of assessing one’s state and coming to the conclusion that it was all our doing, and falling further into self-esteem disaster, is not helpful. We are where we are because of a combination of our actions, the actions of those around us who may be helping or hurting us, and also chance. My father was killed in a car accident at 2 in the afternoon by a drunk driver who crossed the double yellow line. Sometimes, bad stuff happens which we have nothing to do with. Random good things also happen, and we must be careful to temper our hubris on that front just as much. No successful person at any level is there on self-propulsion alone.
We can almost always make small improvements, sometimes large ones, by taking positive actions. These can be as simple as remembering to drink more water, or making our bed in the morning. Actions lead to feelings, and these tend to be reinforcing. Take a positive action, see a good result, get a hit of dopamine, and our minds open up to what next good-feeling action we can take. Everything starts with where we are at, and where I am at may be wildly different from others. Scale and context, knowing where we are and what we need is wisdom. Most of us tend to ratchet down what we think is possible; we never dare reach as high as we can. This is fine if that is the life you want; no shame here. Just having the audacity to dream big can be scary — who are we to want so much from life? Again, this is about where we are, and we are not all in the same place. Imagination is a powerful force, and if we can imagine something, we can move towards it. Without that power, we stay where we are because it is all we can see. Life is wonderful; we also need to acknowledge that it is hard to be human — our complexity, cognition, and sensitivity are gifts that need to be grasped. Dogs, my favorite species, have a clearer worldview. Limitation has its upsides. If we want a bigger life, whatever that may mean to each of us, it will require effort. Lotto is a dream without action; a well lived life is one of purposeful engagement. Do it in the best way for you. We will join you.
Onward and upward,
David
