Strengthening Bonds in Midlife and Beyond With Tamsen Fadal

In this week’s episode of The SuperAge Show, Tamsen Fadal, renowned TV journalist and advocate for women’s health, shares her insights on the importance of nurturing relationships and community involvement, particularly in later life stages. She discusses practical approaches to reduce social isolation, including reconnecting with old friends and participating in new groups. Tamsen highlights the role of vulnerability in forming genuine bonds and the effective use of digital platforms in cultivating meaningful connections. This episode offers valuable guidance for anyone looking to enhance their social network and create a supportive community environment.

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Key Moments

“But I do think you have to get out there and put yourself out there, not be afraid, because you know what happens to all of us.”

“There is a place to go. There’s something whether it’s an activity or a hobby or whatever it is, there’s something out there to go to, even no matter how big or small.”

“I realize now when I have a problem or I’m worried or fretting about something, there are those people that I can text or pick up the phone and talk to that make me feel like it’s all going to be okay. And that’s what that community is about. That’s what that small community is about.” 

“I watch my dad, who is 84. He goes to his gym, he meets people and goes out to restaurants by himself. He is determined to make sure he keeps doing that, even though a lot of his friends have passed away. And so I was like, Oh, he can do that, I should be doing that, because I think it’s really, really hard and I think that sense of community is really necessary and really special. And I think that’s kind of what we’re all here for in the end.”

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Transcript

David

Hey, Tamsen. How you doing today?

00:00:02:07 – 00:00:03:17

Tamsen Fadal

Good. How are you? Nice to see.

00:00:03:17 – 00:00:09:21

David

You. It’s nice to see you, too. I am in New York City today. I’m in New York.

00:00:09:23 – 00:00:13:07

Tamsen Fadal

Enjoying the rain, enjoying the winter.

00:00:13:09 – 00:00:26:02

David

Well, I know I was tired. Like people here, they complain about the rain, but the rest of the year, I live in this place where the rain there’s problem. Like rain does not fall from the sky, which is right. More of a problem. So anyway, we’re okay.

00:00:26:02 – 00:00:32:10

Tamsen Fadal

We won’t complain. And plus I see a sliver of sun or something out there right now, so it’s good. It’ll come your way. Yeah.

00:00:32:12 – 00:00:58:22

David

So I wanted to talk to you today, Tamsin, about community. So this sort of community, Big C and community, Little C, and you’ve been very successful at forming a community on social media that’s at scale. So I want to talk to you a little bit about how you did that, how you relate to those people. Those people because it’s like you’re in their lives and they’re in your lives.

00:00:58:22 – 00:01:15:10

David

And then I want to sort of bring that back down to community a little, see how do we build new people around us? Because if we don’t do that, our social circles, our communities shrink, and that’s No. One.

00:01:15:12 – 00:01:28:12

Tamsen Fadal

Okay, Yeah, it’s funny. I was thinking of both sides of that recently in my own life, looking at my dad, who’s 84 and looking at, you know, where I am today and where I was 20 years ago. So I love that conversation.

00:01:28:14 – 00:01:46:04

David

So let’s talk about community Big C So you’ve got my phone in front of me. It’s a big number. Whatever it is. It’s like in the millions of people. What is it about you and your message? Why do people spend time with you? What’s going on there?

00:01:46:06 – 00:02:03:01

Tamsen Fadal

I don’t know. I don’t know. You know, it’s funny. I was thinking about what it adds to my life. That’s actually what I was thinking a lot about, because I think, you know, I came from a media of traditional media where it was kind of a one way conversation, right? I’m talking to the camera. I was giving the news.

00:02:03:01 – 00:02:23:12

Tamsen Fadal

I gave the news for 30 years. And so that was a very direct one way conversation. When social media, Facebook came onto the scene, we could read a comment or two on the air, but it really wasn’t an interactive conversation. And I think what I moved over to digital and started playing around with just having conversations there. I brought that traditional approach to it and it wasn’t.

00:02:23:14 – 00:02:42:02

Tamsen Fadal

It doesn’t work there like that because it’s a it’s a real community and it’s a community that is flowing and active and wants to talk and wants to engage. And so when I started to take down that wall, a little bit of who I was and take the filter off and take my makeup off and do things, I would never have thought I would ever do that.

00:02:42:02 – 00:02:57:10

Tamsen Fadal

So I’ll change that is really want to change. And I remember some of the conversations that I had with myself about how I would before I press the button to post. I’m like, Have I guess it’s just a good idea, you know, What are they going to say? Am I going to get nine responses? And they got not like me anymore?

00:02:57:10 – 00:03:16:21

Tamsen Fadal

Or is is it going to be weird? Am I too old? I had all these, you know, self conversation, self doubt, and then I realized there was a lot of room for all conversations out there, conversations about, you know, aging, conversations about women’s health, menopause, talking to younger people about what older people are going through, advice I’d give my younger self.

00:03:16:21 – 00:03:36:05

Tamsen Fadal

So I think that I don’t think I did anything. I think that community wanted to have that conversation. And that’s that’s what’s happened. And I watch them with each other. I think what’s exciting for me is to go when I meet those people offline. Now some of my community in person has I mean, look at you and I like it has changed quite a bit.

00:03:36:05 – 00:03:49:21

Tamsen Fadal

And I, I consider you a friend and I feel like I can pick up the phone and text you or call you, ask you something. And we wouldn’t have been able to do that had it not been for this medium. So I just think it’s really cool and it’s certainly changed my life.

00:03:49:23 – 00:04:10:07

David

Let’s go a little bit more into this, what you were talking about there, this idea of presenting the perfect versus the imperfect and how we’re sort of programed to, you know, present our best face, which is not always what’s really going on. And what was your process to move to another span.

00:04:10:09 – 00:04:30:15

Tamsen Fadal

That took years? You know, I think there were there were a few things, but pandemic happened in really in 2020 is when I started that process. I think that I got older and I started laughing about some of the things that I took so seriously. You know, like some of the things that I was I’d look down on, like what was I thinking?

00:04:30:21 – 00:04:51:06

Tamsen Fadal

And I also think that I had changes going on in my own life. I was in a relationship that 49, 50 years old. I had dealt with some health things that I was sharing online, and I saw a big response to that and kind of did it in a quippy, fun way versus a serious way. And so so those were two of the ways that it started and two of the reasons that I did it.

00:04:51:07 – 00:05:14:17

Tamsen Fadal

I don’t know that I set out like I’m going to jump on there and become a digital content creator. I’m like, I didn’t even know the word, but I think that there was a need for that conversation and those voices that were maybe not in that space as much as we’re seeing right now. I wouldn’t you agree, like in the last three or four years, we’ve seen a big difference in that conversation happening on a larger level.

00:05:14:18 – 00:05:35:10

David

As a guy, it’s even more like super confusing. But I will say that the times that I go on and I say, like, I’m having a hard time, this is difficult. This isn’t the way it was supposed to be. Why is it happen? You know, it’s when everybody steps up and I go, Yeah, this huge.

00:05:35:10 – 00:05:35:21

Tamsen Fadal

Amount.

00:05:35:23 – 00:05:50:04

David

Of support and information and essentially pats on the back, like they’re just telling me like, hey, it’s, you know, I find that not quite shocking but surprising and really impactful to me.

00:05:50:06 – 00:06:10:12

Tamsen Fadal

Well, it is. And and I also think it’s because we I mean, I for sure came from a place that was, you know, share your problems, like, you know, talk about that stuff. Like that’s like you keep to yourself and you just so that was a hard flip for me in a lot of ways. And I still question every once in a while like, Oh gosh, I got to talk about my divorce again.

00:06:10:12 – 00:06:37:06

Tamsen Fadal

Is that is that okay that I talk about you know, everyone somehow I feel that vulnerability, the old vulnerability creep back up and feel a little nervous about not having it all together. Right. My divorce from a long time ago, not now. But I think that it’s important. And I think that why I do a lot of my content to say, like what I wish I knew in my 2030s, forties is because I probably wish I had that voice around me to say that it’s okay that you don’t have it all together.

00:06:37:10 – 00:06:53:07

Tamsen Fadal

And it took me along, took me till the last few years to figure that out. But you’re right, people do step up. And I think that’s why we’re seeing a lot of movement in some of these moments we’re having, Right. Because people are stepping up and saying like, hey, we want to be visible. We want to be seen.

00:06:53:08 – 00:07:10:06

Tamsen Fadal

We want to make sure that people know how to is they want to age, you know, not just long, but well, they want to, you know, share stories. What you do sharing those stories, you know, every time someone reads one of those stories, I walk away feeling like I could do that, too. Or maybe that could be me next.

00:07:10:11 – 00:07:24:22

Tamsen Fadal

And that’s a big deal. And so that’s where I think that large community and all communities come into play, because that’s what we want stories from each other. That’s that’s what we want to know that it’s going to be all right. We’re not alone and we can do something else and make an impact. That’s what I want.

00:07:24:22 – 00:07:44:14

David

Anyway, it was wonderfully said. Yes, I was sort of reflecting on what you said, like, what would I tell myself? That was 20, 30, 40, 50. I would tell myself when I was younger is I would explain to myself how to self-soothe and self congratulate. It’s good. That’s something that I’ve only learned. I use that 65.

00:07:44:16 – 00:07:46:13

Tamsen Fadal

Me to write and.

00:07:46:15 – 00:08:04:12

David

Instantly I hear, I’ll tell you this funny trick that I learned that whenever I do something that I think is like, Oh, that was pretty good. That was kind of scary. Okay, physically, I take my right hand and I slap myself on my left shoulder out loud. I say, Good job, you did great. I partially heard this from a three year old who had.

00:08:04:12 – 00:08:06:03

Tamsen Fadal

I love them.

00:08:06:05 – 00:08:16:19

David

And they were constantly sort of like, You can do it. You got this, you can do it. And then when they did a good job and I thought, Oh, that’s really brilliant. Like, Yeah, I can do that.

00:08:16:22 – 00:08:18:07

Tamsen Fadal

Do you feel different when you do that?

00:08:18:07 – 00:08:32:18

David

Absolutely, hundred percent. I’ve heard that it has chemically the same effect on us as if somebody else comes into the room and pats you on the back and says, Good job. I mean, it’s nice to have them do it, but if they’re not there, you can do it yourself.

00:08:32:18 – 00:08:33:13

Tamsen Fadal

That’s amazing.

00:08:33:19 – 00:08:34:13

David

Is amazing.

00:08:34:13 – 00:08:36:13

Tamsen Fadal

Right? It is amazing.

00:08:36:15 – 00:08:39:08

David

So anyway, that’s what I would teach my younger self.

00:08:39:10 – 00:08:41:11

Tamsen Fadal

Congratulate. You can do the deal.

00:08:41:13 – 00:08:47:18

David

Yeah, it’s really good. I’m not the only one who’s thought of this, but I use it. It works for me.

00:08:47:21 – 00:09:09:18

Tamsen Fadal

But, you know, I do. I do think it’s so important because I remember, you know, and I had done something that I was like very, very first book deal is like 2008. And the person I was talking to was like, Yeah, it’s exciting. Got a book deal. And I was like, Anyway, there’s so much work to do. And I was like, I just blew past it and he stopped me and he goes, You need to take this moment and like, be in this moment.

00:09:09:23 – 00:09:30:08

Tamsen Fadal

It was before we were talking about being present or, you know, journaling or any of that. I was like, well, a Vietnam moment. I don’t have time for this moment. I have to get to the next moment. But I never forgot that that was a that was a flaw of how I handled myself. Often of got a job.

00:09:30:09 – 00:09:56:22

Tamsen Fadal

Okay, yeah, we got the job. Let’s get how are we going to move? How are we going to do this? Got this and what’s the next one? And while I think that I spent 30 years in television news and coming up next and even have named quite a few different things that I’ve done over the years that I think comport And part of it is, is taking that moment to self congratulate and to to realize what you’ve done, because I don’t think you can get to that next thing without it.

00:09:57:00 – 00:10:12:06

David

I almost think that we become operational like that because I think it’s somehow for us to own the moment, like we do something good, to just own it. It is like scary in some way. Like we don’t want to do that.

00:10:12:07 – 00:10:30:17

Tamsen Fadal

Like you’re scared you’re going to lose that or where you go or it’s but it might be the same thing. We’re talking about with online. Like online, we would never complain or we’ll never complain, but like talk about our vulnerabilities and maybe it’s the same way. You’re not supposed to be so prideful that you don’t acknowledge. Maybe we’ll look at it through all of the wrong lens like you’re not supposed to be.

00:10:30:17 – 00:10:35:17

Tamsen Fadal

So you know with yourself that.

00:10:35:19 – 00:10:36:12

David

You’re like, you don’t.

00:10:36:12 – 00:10:42:11

Tamsen Fadal

Appreciate it quietly and move on, right? Or you don’t deserve it clearly, or you don’t deserve it.

00:10:42:12 – 00:10:46:03

David

Let’s just get out of this before somebody realizes I don’t deserve this.

00:10:46:05 – 00:11:00:23

Tamsen Fadal

Before they realize it, you’ll get it. Truthfully, every once in a while I just go, okay, what do they have the wrong? I literally had a phone call last night and I went into my husband. I’m like, Sometimes I wonder since we were just on the phone or on video or maybe she thought she was calling somebody else.

00:11:01:01 – 00:11:16:10

Tamsen Fadal

And so he goes, What are you talking about? I go, I don’t know. Oh, guy. I was like, so shocked that they want that. Really? I think that everybody goes, not everybody. But I think a lot of people go through that. If a lot of people call it imposter syndrome. But it really is even I think more than that.

00:11:16:12 – 00:11:33:20

Tamsen Fadal

I think it just is that like, I don’t know that I deserve this. I hope I’m not found out. And I think that that’s like that I can’t do this or I can’t write this or, you know, or performance or speak or whatever it is. It’s kind of fascinating. I think it keeps you humble, but I think it can also be very hurtful.

00:11:34:01 – 00:11:53:16

David

Like if we declare like, okay, wow, this thing, this is great, I did this, then we have to suddenly we have to become that person. Like, then we have to level up to be the sort of person who does sort of things. And I’m thinking, Oh, no, let’s can we just, like, bring our heads down? And yeah, I don’t want that’s not we do that.

00:11:53:18 – 00:12:09:15

Tamsen Fadal

You’re so right. I don’t want to fail. So let’s go to that next level. Yeah, I think you’re right. I think I think that’s in, you know, the last few months I’ve left my job and it’s going to be coming on three months, everyone. So I’m like, Am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing my all here?

00:12:09:15 – 00:12:27:13

Tamsen Fadal

You know, I’m not patting myself. I’m like touching to make sure it’s like, I don’t know, you know, because it is very it’s frightening and it’s frightening when you go into some of these new identities. I think, too, as you get older or as you move into something else to convince yourself that it’s all going to be okay, you always have to have somebody else do it for you.

00:12:27:13 – 00:12:29:07

Tamsen Fadal

But I like your self congratulating.

00:12:29:09 – 00:12:32:16

David

I do it secretly, though, like I do.

00:12:32:16 – 00:12:39:11

Tamsen Fadal

You don’t make a scene of it. Well, okay, let me see. Let me see what it looks like. Looks like.

00:12:39:13 – 00:12:41:17

David

Good job. You did a good job. I just.

00:12:41:17 – 00:12:42:10

Tamsen Fadal

Like to say it out.

00:12:42:10 – 00:12:59:17

David

Loud. Out loud. Yeah. Yeah. I like physically that myself, but I say it out loud and yeah, I’m not brave enough to do that around other people. I think they would really question my the emotional foundation if I did that.

00:12:59:19 – 00:13:07:14

Tamsen Fadal

Next time you have to give a keynote when it’s done and everyone’s clapping, I want you to go. Good job. You did a good job.

00:13:07:16 – 00:13:16:14

David

I guess I got to give this big talk at this financial thing in Kuala Lumpur, and you’re going to be all these bankers and stuff. And I do this thing and then I. Then I do that.

00:13:16:16 – 00:13:24:00

Tamsen Fadal

I love that I would I would pay money to see that. I think I’d be great. I think people would like love it.

00:13:24:02 – 00:13:29:06

David

Where there’s a clawback clause in that contract and we’re executing it now.

00:13:29:08 – 00:13:35:04

Tamsen Fadal

You just violated section I.

00:13:35:06 – 00:13:53:06

David

I want to talk to you about community Little C Yeah yeah. So about you know, there’s a crisis of loneliness. Yeah. And the thing is, as you get older, unless you really put some effort into it, your world is going to shrink. It’s just guaranteed. Talk to me about that. How do you navigating that?

00:13:53:08 – 00:14:11:10

Tamsen Fadal

Yeah, you know, it’s interesting. Live in New York and the city with so many people and I’ve realized a lot of my friends have moved, moved out, moved away. A lot of them are, you know, they’re they’re in another place. They live in two places. And I had this one weekend that, like nobody was around. My husband was in California, nobody was around.

00:14:11:10 – 00:14:33:21

Tamsen Fadal

I was like, I’m lonely. Like there’s nobody I don’t, you know? And I realized that my my world has gotten smaller. I left my job, too, you know. So there was like that group. So I have started to do a couple of things. And I don’t know, it’s kind of weird, but I always make a list of like five people I haven’t been in touch with for a while and I try to get to that by the end of the week.

00:14:33:23 – 00:14:50:20

Tamsen Fadal

So I, you know, just even if it’s a text message or a hello or something, because I know a person that’s like, Hey, I need something now. Now I want it to be like, we have a meaningful relationship and I want to I think there’s people that dive in and out of our lives that sometimes we lose touch with for one reason or another because something else distracts us.

00:14:51:01 – 00:15:23:09

Tamsen Fadal

But then those people really mean something to us. And so I really try to be cognizant of that. So I’m not that person that doesn’t have somebody that I can pick up the phone and call or can pick up the phone and call me. But I have had to get myself out a little bit. And I’ve done that because I watch my dad, who’s 84, moved to a new city and he is like going to this is called Super Agers, this group that meets in the morning, there’s like eight people in in Tampa that meet and they like, you know, get together.

00:15:23:11 – 00:15:41:06

Tamsen Fadal

He goes to his like church group, he goes to his gym, he meets people like and goes out to restaurants by himself. And he is determined to make sure he keeps doing that, even though a lot of his friends have passed away. And so I was like, Oh, he can do that. I should be doing that too, because I think it’s really, really hard.

00:15:41:06 – 00:15:57:08

Tamsen Fadal

As we get older, we get set in our ways. We might be traveling more, we might be with our significant other more, we might be dealing with other problems. And and I think that sense of community is really necessary and really special. And I think that’s kind of what we’re all here for in the end.

00:15:57:10 – 00:16:10:03

David

So what’s your strategy for So you got your like four or five people for every week, people, you know, different different ones, but you want ADD you need to add nourish. Yeah. What’s your strategy?

00:16:10:06 – 00:16:26:11

Tamsen Fadal

I mean, mine has been following what my father is doing, which is like I would never I’m never the person that, like, actively goes out to go, you know, because I was in news for so long and meeting people, I’m like, I need to be alone and watch Netflix. And so now I’m not doing that job anymore and I do need to do any of that.

00:16:26:11 – 00:16:45:13

Tamsen Fadal

So I’ve done group classes. That’s one big thing. And I’ve done I’ve done a couple of little things because I go back and forth between here and in California. And so I’ve found some different ways to go meet people, whether it’s sitting outside because outside a lot more sitting outside in a restaurant or a coffee place and just like being friendly with people, which everyone’s like happy in the sunshine, I think.

00:16:45:18 – 00:17:05:11

Tamsen Fadal

So I don’t do that as much in New York and I try to get off of online to to find people. Like if I am, I have found a lot of people that are online that go to some of the same similar things that I go to. And, you know, women’s health is a big thing for me. So I find myself going to a lot of those different events and signing up for them and showing up where I wouldn’t do that before.

00:17:05:12 – 00:17:16:11

Tamsen Fadal

I would never have. If you told me I was going to buy a ticket and go somewhere, I’m like, No, I’m not. But I do that now and I feel good. After I leave there. It feels really good and I think I needed it. I needed it.

00:17:16:13 – 00:17:21:14

David

Yeah. So it sounds like you’re a joiner or you become a joiner. You’re a new joiner, is that right?

00:17:21:14 – 00:17:47:13

Tamsen Fadal

And a new joiner. Really? New attached to new joiner. I’ve not been a throw events thing yet, but I would like to do that somehow. And I have had like little dinner parties and stuff, But I’m more of a new joiner. Very new because it’s still a little intimidating to me, to be honest. I open as I am on social and stuff, like if I go to a party or something, I’m like, No, I don’t walk up to a grouping like, Hi, I’m Tamsin.

00:17:47:13 – 00:17:51:05

Tamsen Fadal

And yeah, let’s do a selfie. That’s not me. I’m with you.

00:17:51:06 – 00:18:08:20

David

We we actually have we have it within our power, all of us, to cause these meetings to happen so we can, like, invite our party. Yeah, I do this sort of silly medieval thing. I don’t often have parties, like, twice a year. So what I do is I guess.

00:18:08:22 – 00:18:10:07

Tamsen Fadal

I better be at your next party.

00:18:10:09 – 00:18:11:12

David

You will? Because it’ll be in New York.

00:18:11:16 – 00:18:16:00

Tamsen Fadal

Oh, good thinking. So, as I just invited myself, I’m a joiner. I’m a new joiner.

00:18:16:02 – 00:18:37:02

David

There you go. Evidence. You are indeed a joiner. I sit on a stool by the door where people come in, and when someone comes in, whatever else is going on, I tell them to stop. This is my friend Bob. Bob is here because of X, Y, Z. This is what Bob does. And the reason you like Bob. The reason I like Bob or you’re going to like Bob is this.

00:18:37:02 – 00:18:37:19

David

I become like.

00:18:37:19 – 00:18:39:00

Tamsen Fadal

Oh my gosh, I love this.

00:18:39:00 – 00:18:41:18

David

The announcer Right. And of course I.

00:18:41:18 – 00:18:43:00

Tamsen Fadal

Love that idea.

00:18:43:01 – 00:18:44:02

David

Bob’s like, Oh my.

00:18:44:02 – 00:18:44:22

Tamsen Fadal

God, if.

00:18:45:00 – 00:18:56:19

David

You’ve like, exposed me. But and then everybody sort of knows something about everybody. There’s some context, you know, That’s my party trick.

00:18:56:21 – 00:19:02:21

Tamsen Fadal

I love, I love. That’s great. That’s a great. I love that so much.

00:19:03:02 – 00:19:05:09

David

Yeah, It’s fun.

00:19:05:11 – 00:19:08:04

Tamsen Fadal

I think. Where did you where did you think about that?

00:19:08:06 – 00:19:27:18

David

I once went to an event that Monocle magazine threw and. Okay, who is the longtime editor in chief, was sitting at a stool and they were larger events are like 50 people came in. You could not enter the event before being greeted by Tyler. Now he didn’t announce.

00:19:27:18 – 00:19:30:05

Tamsen Fadal

The person I loved that, right?

00:19:30:07 – 00:19:44:23

David

Everyone personally. So he didn’t get in the middle. Like getting sequestered by somebody? No, no. His job was to sit in the front and greet everybody and say hello before they went in. And I just thought a little further.

00:19:45:01 – 00:19:57:20

Tamsen Fadal

I love that because I think that that’s a cool way to do it. Instead of like I had a dinner party here for family. So I was I kind of lumped everyone in and I was like, Oh, introduce yourselves and said, How rude of me. I should have done that.

00:19:57:22 – 00:20:09:10

David

You can just take control. And and like, I love that if that’s that. But it’s the same thing that we do, like on social or like any of these things, we’re sort of the center. The people connect with so we can.

00:20:09:10 – 00:20:09:20

Tamsen Fadal

Use great.

00:20:09:23 – 00:20:11:14

David

Our elitism.

00:20:11:16 – 00:20:16:02

Tamsen Fadal

That’s great. I love it. I love it. I like how you’re so thoughtful about your life.

00:20:16:04 – 00:20:23:18

David

So do you have any advice for other people? Because there’s a lot of people that are just it’s really hard for them, you know?

00:20:23:18 – 00:20:39:05

Tamsen Fadal

I think it’s hard. Yeah, I think it’s really hard. I do. I really do. And I look, I have found myself doing a couple of different things. I did it the other day. I you know, the 92nd Street Y is here and I just think about the it’s a cool New York place. But I, I was like, what events are coming up?

00:20:39:05 – 00:20:56:08

Tamsen Fadal

And I’m going to two of them, period. And so that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m trying because you know that you’re going to be there, you’re going to meet people are going to talk to people. That’s one kind of thing. And it doesn’t have to be like so regimented. But I do think you have to get out there and put yourself out there, not be afraid, because you know what happens to all of us.

00:20:56:08 – 00:21:10:05

Tamsen Fadal

I think all of us go back in time to the time like I wasn’t I was never chosen for anything in gym class because I’m not a athletic person. You know, we all go back to that, like, am I going to be picked? Right? And so it’s scary to put yourself out there. I think it’s very it’s a 53.

00:21:10:05 – 00:21:24:05

Tamsen Fadal

I still get that when I go into a party like, oh, gosh, my going to know anybody, I’m going to have to smile at people. I hope somebody comes up to me. So I think that you got to put yourself out there to do those kind of things in your community. And as you’re like, there’s no place for me to go.

00:21:24:05 – 00:21:45:10

Tamsen Fadal

There is a place to go. There’s something whether it’s an activity or a hobby or whatever it is, there’s something out there to go to, even no matter how big or small. I also think that I have been kind of being a tagalong ing with some of my friends if they have stuff going on. So for example, I’m going to Florida next week and I called a friend of mine and I said, I’m going to be there by myself.

00:21:45:10 – 00:21:52:04

Tamsen Fadal

Like, is there anything going on that you’re going to? And she said, I’m going to another friend’s party if you want to come. And I’m like, okay, but I would never have done that before.

00:21:52:04 – 00:22:15:12

David

Yeah. So I was at an industry event last night that I was invited to go to and I had the same thing happen and there’s maybe like 50 or 60 people. And I go in there and I think I’m going to have a glass of water. I’m going to leave. And it’s somehow from like the receptors of my brain, I managed to remember the line and the line.

00:22:15:18 – 00:22:25:02

David

So the line that works everywhere, wherever you are, is, Hi, What brings you here tonight? Boom. Okay. Really? Yeah. It doesn’t matter.

00:22:25:04 – 00:22:28:02

Tamsen Fadal

What you’re tonight. Okay? You’re good. I like that.

00:22:28:04 – 00:22:35:02

David

You’re at a party like you’re an event. It’s like, whatever so suddenly that you got the person to, like, talk to you, right?

00:22:35:03 – 00:22:37:00

Tamsen Fadal

That’s great. That’s great.

00:22:37:02 – 00:22:44:09

David

No. Hi. What brings you here tonight? And then once one person talks to me, then I’m good, right?

00:22:44:11 – 00:22:46:06

Tamsen Fadal

Because then you’ve got, like, a friend.

00:22:46:08 – 00:22:47:01

David

Yeah, I’m okay.

00:22:47:02 – 00:22:48:17

Tamsen Fadal

Yeah, you’ve got, like, a friend.

00:22:48:19 – 00:23:01:18

David

I’m in the swim school like that. I can talk to somebody else. It’s the first one I just lock up like the person, but I just sort of, you know, like reading books, book.

00:23:01:18 – 00:23:02:12

Tamsen Fadal

Somewhere, living.

00:23:02:13 – 00:23:07:12

David

Doing this. And we just like, Oh, I guess what new people hear me?

00:23:07:14 – 00:23:10:01

Tamsen Fadal

Yeah, I’m like, this at a party.

00:23:10:03 – 00:23:11:04

David

Yeah, right, right.

00:23:11:04 – 00:23:14:03

Tamsen Fadal

That’s me. And every day I’m like.

00:23:14:05 – 00:23:18:20

David

I think I’m in. I’m going to look at myself, like, now this. Like, I really.

00:23:18:20 – 00:23:38:02

Tamsen Fadal

Feel like I’m going to be I have there’s an emergency on top, you know, just like I really I know I’m with you. I’m totally with you on that. But, you know, I think it’s nice, like ten years ago with you and I have said this to each other, I would’ve been like, well, you know, I really I go to as many events as possible and I try to really just meet people.

00:23:38:02 – 00:23:53:03

Tamsen Fadal

And, you know, I have a big group of friends that we’ve been like, That’s not true. The truth is that most of my friends have moved away. You know, there are doing other stuff like some don’t want to don’t want to go out and do that kind of stuff. And I got to figure it out now. But but I will say this.

00:23:53:04 – 00:24:08:12

Tamsen Fadal

I realize now when I have a problem or I’m worried or fretting about something that we know is going to get solved at some point or another, it is those people that I can text or pick up the phone and talk to, and there’s there’s a handful of them. But that make me feel like it’s all going to be okay.

00:24:08:12 – 00:24:16:03

Tamsen Fadal

And that’s what that community is about. That’s what that small community is about. Yeah, yeah. And I need that. I think we all need that.

00:24:16:05 – 00:24:23:20

David

I think that this is where my gender is and has a bit of a handicap, sort of a built in malfunction.

00:24:23:20 – 00:24:25:15

Tamsen Fadal

It’s very yeah, for sure.

00:24:25:15 – 00:24:26:16

David

It’s hard for us.

00:24:26:21 – 00:24:40:10

Tamsen Fadal

I know, but it’s, I think it’s hard in general. But yeah, it is, it’s hard for you to do that to reach out to when there’s a problem. Yeah. My husband has the same thing. I’m like, How do you talk to when you feel stressed? And he goes.

00:24:40:12 – 00:24:41:04

David

Yeah.

00:24:41:06 – 00:24:43:12

Tamsen Fadal

And I feel like, Could you tell that I would.

00:24:43:12 – 00:24:43:23

David

I do that?

00:24:44:00 – 00:24:48:13

Tamsen Fadal

Yes and no. You know, what am I? What are you talking about?

00:24:48:15 – 00:25:01:17

David

So I want to just okay, I’m just going to give people another tip of this community thing. So tip one, you say like, you just need to interact. So if you’re in a group, new group. Yeah. Hi. What brings you here tonight? Super easy.

00:25:01:19 – 00:25:02:20

Tamsen Fadal

What brings you here tonight?

00:25:03:00 – 00:25:03:23

David

But if it’s not.

00:25:03:23 – 00:25:04:17

Tamsen Fadal

In this town.

00:25:04:19 – 00:25:11:19

David

If it’s not a community, you just say, like, my favorite thing is the shoes. Hey, those are great shoes. I like those. Whether you like them or not doesn’t.

00:25:11:22 – 00:25:12:11

Tamsen Fadal

Really.

00:25:12:12 – 00:25:14:11

David

Notice them. Right. So just.

00:25:14:11 – 00:25:15:03

Tamsen Fadal

Start them.

00:25:15:07 – 00:25:15:16

David

You just.

00:25:15:16 – 00:25:16:23

Tamsen Fadal

Everybody’s got shoes on.

00:25:16:23 – 00:25:19:01

David

Probably everybody’s got shoes, all right. And they.

00:25:19:01 – 00:25:20:00

Tamsen Fadal

Just right.

00:25:20:02 – 00:25:34:13

David

Know, you noticed them. So now they’re like, yeah, thank you. And with the in the first context, you say like, oh, what brings you here tonight? So they’ll say, like, maybe they cut it really short. They’re like, Well, I’m in the whatever widget industry.

00:25:34:15 – 00:25:35:22

Tamsen Fadal

I know the host.

00:25:36:00 – 00:25:59:12

David

I know the host. Right. You need to follow it up. What’s getting them to talk about this, which is everybody wants it’s everybody’s favorite subject. They just they just everybody, right? So it’s like, oh, tell me about that. That’s so interesting. You came all the way from Saint Louis here to, like, talk about me. Just tell me more widgets and boom, You got a new friend brought.

00:25:59:12 – 00:26:00:10

Tamsen Fadal

To the raises.

00:26:00:12 – 00:26:05:15

David

Friend one somebody’s interested in, which is so great.

00:26:05:17 – 00:26:09:08

Tamsen Fadal

But I agree with you. I like that. I wrote that down. What brings you here tonight?

00:26:09:10 – 00:26:10:23

David

What brings you here tonight? Yeah.

00:26:11:00 – 00:26:18:22

Tamsen Fadal

I’m going to try that. But my favorite thing is the announcing people at the door. Oh, right. Know, my favorite might be this.

00:26:19:00 – 00:26:22:08

David

So my little my little quirks announcing.

00:26:22:08 – 00:26:23:11

Tamsen Fadal

Being skipped or.

00:26:23:11 – 00:26:27:18

David

Is very sort of I feel very medieval. I met the king’s.

00:26:27:18 – 00:26:28:16

Tamsen Fadal

Horse.

00:26:28:18 – 00:26:34:12

David

One who announces the guests like rings the bell and now presenting the princess whoever.

00:26:34:14 – 00:26:46:21

Tamsen Fadal

The the king of well because most people want to like like slide in like always a half hour late or I was 10 minutes I no one is going to like get my bearings. Oh there is.

00:26:46:22 – 00:26:47:17

David

No.

00:26:47:18 – 00:26:50:17

Tamsen Fadal

Advance. And she’s 15 minutes late.

00:26:50:18 – 00:26:52:15

David

Engine she’s late. We still love her.

00:26:52:17 – 00:27:00:12

Tamsen Fadal

But I like her. I love it. That’s great. It’s really great.

00:27:00:18 – 00:27:03:17

David

Okay, you get a split. Thank you so much for your time.

00:27:03:22 – 00:27:08:11

Tamsen Fadal

Oh, thank you. You always make my head think, and I love it.

00:27:08:13 – 00:27:14:16

David

We’re going to hang out. I’m going to be in New York more. And I hope to see you and finally meet your husband. And we’ll do like a perfect.

00:27:14:16 – 00:27:15:20

Tamsen Fadal

I would love that. I would love.

00:27:15:20 – 00:27:18:07

David

Okay. Thanks so much. Have a great rest of your night.

00:27:18:12 – 00:27:19:01

Tamsen Fadal

You too.